So I 34f am in an open (polyamorous) relationship. I have always been interested in kink, and getting to explore that is extremely important to me.
I know that being poly vastly limits my options. However I keep finding myself in a pattern of being abundantly clear of what I’m looking for, and more importantly what I’m not looking for, and people will lie to me or just tell me what I want to hear. I’m big on wanting to find a consistent dynamic/partner. It doesn’t have to be a relationship(but that is an option), I’m okay with it being a FWB situation as long as there is actual friendship in there too. I’m bluntly honest that I don’t want short term or just to sleep with people.
Yet that seems to be what I keep finding. People who promise to want the same things, say seemingly all the right things, then we sleep together and poof. They become distant. I don’t want to have to put people through a test, but apparently just asking standard questions and expecting honesty gets me nowhere. I don’t understand why people can’t just say “oh yeah not what I’m looking for” rather than leading me on, getting their nut, and then bouncing.
So I guess my question is what do you do for vetting that has been successful at ensuring you’re wanting the same things? Do you have any “two meetings minimum” type rules before sleeping with someone?