My grandiose ndad is in his 70's and unwell in a might-die-soon sort of way.
I'm in my 40's now and I've been low contact for a long time and no contact for a couple of years. But contemplating his death has stirred up a lot of revisiting his abuse in order to convince myself that the no contact has been warranted.
Anyway, I know a lot of people have truly monstrous nparents or are able to easily reconcile their decision.
But I'd say for a lot of us, the whole thing is complex. Like I still love my dad. I grieve being able to have a relationship with him. And it isn't like he is 100% an evil human, he's just a dysfunctional one. I know he hates the no contact and would like me to have a relationship with him. And as a people pleaser, it's hard to prioritise myself.
I feel so alone and sad and I kind of wish I could be in the "I went no contact and now life is great" crew.
I'm not sure what I am hoping for in writing this. Probably just solidarity and hearing from others who also don't find it so cut and dry in cutting off a parent.