Ok so this happened right before the break up. I keep replaying it because I honestly don’t know if I was making it a bigger deal than it actually was.
Her friend was visiting so I drove them both around town, to the beach, took pictures for them, I wanted to be as accommodating as I could. When we pulled into a parking lot to head into the city, my x took my keys without me noticing. Then her and her friend started talking under their breaths while giving me the nastiest looks. I loved this woman, we had been together for a little over a year at this point. The looks she was giving me sent knives through my heart.
Anyway.
I’m looking for my keys so I can lock my car and my x goes “what are you looking for” I said “look if either of you have my keys just tell me so I can lock the car”
X “what are you talking about”
Me “I know one of you has my keys”
X “I literally don’t know what you’re talking about, where are your keys?” In a mocking tone
*5 mins of this back and fourth
She then climbs into the car with her purse and I hear her take the keys out of her bag and place them in between the seats.
Me “I can hear the keys babe”
X “I genuinely don’t have the keys” as she’s getting back out of my car. “Here search my bag”
Me “I’m not searching your bag” as I grab the keys from where she put them
X (now I’m my face mocking me) “WHERE WERE THEY HUH? FEEL STUPID NOW?”
Me *ignores
We start walking, both of them behind me talking loud enough for me to know they’re talking but too quiet to know what about.
Now I’m offended.
X “what’s wrong”
Me “I don’t understand why you needed to take my keys then try to make me feel like I’m crazy”
X “I don’t know what your talking about”
Me “you do”
X “I have no idea what your talking about”
Me “then when I got the keys from where you put them, which by the way Is the first place I always check when I lose my keys, you played in my face”
X starts crying
I got the sense that they were fake sobs. Not only would she switch from crying to not in seconds but her makeup wasn’t smeared or anything. I felt like she was trying to make me feel bad for recognizing the situation for what it was, so she could be the victim.
She’s sobbing then asks me to take them to a taco place where she again switches from crying to perfectly fine. TRYS TO GET ME TO BUY HER FOOD.
Seeming confused as to why I’m not talking to her. They eat, im silently processing and stewing. We walk back outside and the sobs start back up.
They don’t stop until we get home where they open their leftovers from the taco place and start eating. I go to bed. Laying there I hear the sobs start AGAIN. She walks into my room and starts screaming at me
X “I’m so disappointed in you, you can’t ever let me have a good time with my friends. Why would you do this”
Me “I’m sorry but what you did hurt my feelings and you just keep denying the facts, that wasn’t normal relationship behavior”
X “I’m crying and you can’t even console me, fuck you, I’m so disappointed”
Yada yada yada.
Every-time I brought up a good point she would just scream and cry like a child and not respond. She then starts saying how she wants to die. How I ruined her night. How it was a joke that I took too far.
Nothing is resolved.
She then says that her friend saw me put the keys between the seats. Contradicting her “it was a joke” statement.
Me “you just contradicted yourself again”
X “I want to die you can’t even console me, you hurt my feelings”
Me “can we just have a normal conversation about it so we can resolve both sides of this?”
X just keeps sobbing
So finally I just cave and cuddle her so I can go to bed.
The next day her and her friend leave while I’m at work. She won’t talk about it because she’s with her friend and trying to enjoy the weekend which I respect.
A few days later I’m at her place finally having a conversation about it. She blames the alcohol (claims she was blackout drunk but I know when she’s at that point, she wasn’t) she blames her friend, she blames me for ignoring her cry’s.
Am I the A hole? That was full blown gaslighting right? She tried to make me feel stupid for losing the keys, she then got in my face and mocked me knowing she took the keys, she made up stories to try to make herself not look like the bad guy. She denied denied denied and got mad at me for not accepting that. All I wanted to do was make it a good night for them, I was willing to drive them anywhere they wanted, I was going to show them my favorite smoke spots. My intentions were to be their fun tour guide but no.
Thing is, I’ve seen her use the same denial tactic before but I dropped it for my own sanity. The “I don’t know what you’re talking about” line when she knows exactly what I’m talking about was not new. I’d write that story but this is already long.
Thanks for reading.