u/FortyCoast69 — reddlx

So this is kind of a long story, bear with me please as I am I need of solid advice.

About a year ago, I (26f) moved in with my two friends, we’ll call them X(26f) and Z(20f). All three of us work at the same place doing thee same job. At the time that I was moving in, I was living in a townhouse with my ex and a coworker of mine, and our lease was ending and I needed a place to live. X and Z had a room opening up so it was perfect!

For the first 4-6 months we didn’t have any issues. We hung out together, were all friends and I pretty solid as roommates with no real issues.

The problem came when I started to notice little things that were neglected in the house, like someone not cleaning up after themselves in the kitchen. I got home from a long 12 hour day of work and the kitchen was a mess. Counters sticky, crumbs everywhere, floor gross like stuff was spilled. And I just wanted to cook dinner but it was so gross so I needed to clean it before cooking dinner. So I sent a text just saying the kitchen was messy and I don’t like cleaning up other peoples messes (photos 1, 2, and 3). In those photos we’re also dealing with broken AC but that’s unrelated to the situation (I would think…). I could have potentially been nicer in a couple messages, but it is what it is and it’s over now.

Photos 4-9. Idk how this became such a long conversation. I was just trying to explain my thought process and I feel like she wasn’t understanding me. I didn’t think it was a big deal but maybe because I type a lot it seems like it is? Also, I had to include a disclaimer on one of my texts that I wasn’t angry, because she once said that every time I sent a text it “ruined her night” because I seem so mad. The last photo I sent a picture after reorganizing the fridge so the circled areas were my things.

Photos 10-12. Sometimes we work late. I had a late dinner. My roommate started the dishwasher at 10:30 and I didn’t realize it. I didn’t wanna leave my dirty dishes overnight, so I was handwashing them. I finished washing them before she texted (so by 11:20). Idk. It seems like every little thing is a huge deal and I don’t know if it’s my fault or hers.

Photo 13. We went so long on our chore board where Z and myself did a lot of chores and X barely did any. So I decided to be nice and start over. It’s now been 18 days and Z and myself have done a lot of them and X still hasn’t done any.

Photos 14-16. We had mosquitos getting into the bathroom that Z and I share (x has her own bc she’s in the main bedroom). We had no idea where they were coming from but figured out they’re coming in from when we use the front door. We decided to stop using the front door until we could figure it out. I wanted to call a professional. X wants to do some random stuff that may or may not work. Idk man.

Photo 17. A cup bought at Augusta national from the masters that got ruined in the dishwasher. No apology or anything. Photo 18. I accidentally get one small chip on a spoon holder that X bought at a random store for $2 and I get guilt tripped…. Ok.

Photos 18-27. Okay here’s the big one. I have a boyfriend. We’ll call him Q. When Q and I first started dating last summer, he started coming over to our house. I was very upfront in the beginning with my roommates and I told them if he’s ever over too much please just let me know bc I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I also send a text every single time he’s on his way or is at the house, without fail. At the beginning of March this year, X made it clear that he was over too much. And said she wants at least one Q-free day a week. So I obliged. One day a week, no Q. Sometimes two days a week. Most days of the week he only comes over after sun down and we just stay in my room. I try not to hog the common areas. Well she doesn’t believe that he’s been over less. She marked every calendar day that he’s been in our house, whether it was all day or 5 minutes. So I broke it down by the hours. In photo 19 is a text where I put the day and the time the text was sent, along with notes of if he was only there for a few minutes, and that goes on for each day he was over January through April so far. I did the math for the hours he’s been here, and I showed that he’s been here less. She doesn’t want to hear it, and idk what to do.

Photos 28-36. This is some back story to the “my ex” situation in other photos. X hung out with my ex (the one I lived with before) and kept it from me, then got mad at me when I was upset about it. We had a long talk in person about it too where she never admitted to being dishonest in any way, but she understood why I was upset. But she still continued to hang out with my ex, because I told her that was totally fine. I wasn’t upset about that, I was upset that I felt like my friend lied to me. I don’t think she fully understood that but I tried my best. The part about her ex is a totally other thing. Z is still friends with X’s ex. Z invited him over for a group dinner with a few people one time when X was out of town. I just live there, I’m not friends with him. But X blames me somehow, even tho it was Z that apparently knew that X did not want this ex in our house.

Photos 37-41. We went to the bar one night, March 1, had a great time, then got home at 2am. Me totally sober no drinking that night, her tipsy. She starts talking to me about how she thinks I hang out with my boyfriend too much and I’m not around to hang like we used to anymore and like she’s known two versions of me. I sit there and listen patiently. She says she’d like if she had a friend that could be honest if she behaved weird. So then I was honest with her about her not listening to other peoples opinions and then she got upset, proving my point. So fast forward to now and she’s kinda ignoring me, not hanging with me, not inviting me to things she used to would have invited me to. So I try to talk to her about it, and again she’s just mad at me when I tell her I’m confused bc she said she wanted me to be around more to hang but then ignores my existence.

All that leads to her saying that there’s too much drama and it isn’t normal. Am I the problem? I feel crazy because I feel like the “drama” is because she communicates like a child.

The other roommate, Z, has no problems. She and I are chill, and she agrees with me most of the time.

Please help, and don’t hold back on me! If there are questions or any clarifications needed I’m happy to provide more info.

Thank you thank you thank you :)