This whole thing has been eating at me because it just feels so off...and I can’t shake the feeling that one moment completely changed how he sees me.
So, this guy approached me in the library, and we ended up going out a few times -- only three, but they were really affectionate, almost oddly intimate for how little we knew each other. Then one night, I got in my head and, while tipsy, said something like “I don’t know if we should keep seeing each other.” I barely even remembered saying it. I think I just panicked.I felt like I’d been too emotionally open, too vulnerable, and worried I’d freaked him out. But that was also because he had said "im gonna call you an uber" and "I dont want you to fall asleep here," framing it like he was being responsible because I had a glass or two of wine and no food yet so it hit me, but it was also that same night I did not let him touch me anywhere or take off any of my clothes....
He reached out once after that, and I didn’t really respond. Then a week later, I texted him, and he replied right away, super warm, said he thought he’d never hear from me again and was glad I reached out. We hung out again, and it got pretty physical -- we almost had sex, but didn’t. I actually regretted getting that close. The next day, I told him I wanted to slow things down and get to know him more as a person. He agreed and even started making plans for the weekend.
Then the worst timing possible: the next day I’d pulled an all-nighter for an exam, looked completely exhausted and disheveled, and of course I ran into him on campus. I was so embarrassed I texted him after, and he took hours to respond. After that, the plans just… never happened. That weekend passed, and we didn’t see each other. After that, I’d run into him around campus (it’s small), and he wouldn’t say hi -- except once when we almost bumped into each other.
I honestly can’t help but feel like that one run in me me looking my absolute worst -- changed everything. Like he saw me differently after that, and maybe just wasn’t attracted to me anymore.
Almost a month later, we randomly crossed paths a few times in one day, and that night he came and sat near me while I was studying outside. I was so anxious I could barely talk, which probably made me seem even more distant. He made small talk, mentioned he hadn’t been sleeping because he’s been busy, and when I left, he asked if I’d be at Shabbat dinner and said he might go too. His emphasis on how busy he had been felt like an excuse. And he asked me "the shuttles run this late?" as I got up to go. I take a shuttle to my dorm and he lives off campus. Maybe im reading into it but it felt like a hint, like I should go back with him? Which would be crazy to expect atp.....
He didn’t show up to the dinner. And he hasn’t texted me since. It's such a mindfuck. He appeared to give me more false hope just as I was getting over him. I really don't know what he wants.