u/Forsaken_Belt_7979

Me (22) and my boyfriend (24) have been on an off, he went on weight loss injections and said to me that his is going to start going to the gym and if he does I should start doing something about it. And I was like you should love me regardless. He then proceeded to say I have a beautiful face but he’s never admired my body. Obviously I was taken aback and gave him a good grilling.

He said that he’s always been the trophy in our relationship. I also feel a bit restricted in the relationship as it can sometimes feel like I can’t do simple things such as going on a holiday with my friend or going out with my friends on a night out (obviously I’d give him consistent updates) without him huffing and puffing about it saying that I prioritise others over him. I know the normal reaction would be to leave him, but I feel like I’d prefer for him to do it because I’m scared of me making the wrong decision, I feel scared to think that maybe I’m just being immature to not adhere to the conditions keeping in mind this is the first boyfriend I’ve ever had, but each time he’s closer to doing I simply forget and start chasing him. He said he was going to start going the gym and if he does I should start doing something about it. And I was like you should love me regardless. He then proceeded to say I have a beautiful face but he’s never admired my body.

Obviously I was taken aback and gave him a good grilling. He said that he’s always been the trophy in our relationship. I also feel a bit restricted in the relationship as it can sometimes feel like I can’t do simple things such as going on a holiday with my friend or going out with my friends on a night out (obviously I’d give him consistent updates) without him huffing and puffing about it saying that I prioritise others over him.

I know the normal reaction would be to leave him, but I feel like I’d prefer for him to do it because I’m scared of me making the wrong decision, I feel scared to think that maybe I’m just being immature to not adhere to the conditions keeping in mind this is the first boyfriend I’ve ever had, but each time he’s closer to doing I simply forget and start chasing him

Is this considered a healthy relationship dynamic?

I dated a narcissist for a few years and ultimately believe he is the love of my life. I’ve dated other guys and for sure loved them in their own capacity but it was different with the narcissist (which felt all consuming).

Well after the relationship ended it was the hardest breakup I’ve ever endured and it changed me. I developed anxiety and insecurities that I had never experienced before. I suffer with brain fog and loss of identity and I’m just a shell of who i used to be.

He wasn’t violent or necessarily evidently “bad” but he just didn’t know how to love. And the moment i was no longer a version of myself that he initially liked, he discarded me. (Side note, I went through a manic episode and he kinda just bolted which I can understand)

Anyway the relationship itself was pretty much always about him and his never ending chaotic issues. Seriously, it was always always something and something somewhat big in the grand scheme of things. For example, homelessness, addiction, court… So if I was ever going through personal challenges it almost felt like I couldn’t even talk about it because it wasn’t nearly as deep as his. I never picked the restaurant, or the movie or the music or anything really it was always his choice. On the odd occasion I did pick something it was ridiculed very quickly which made me never really want to pick anything anymore. And I feel like it slowly chipped away at who I was?

I was always happy to be there for him, maybe it felt like a purpose and clear direction? But it almost felt like a parent dynamic of me coming to clean up his shit or support him. But at the time I just thought that’s what people that love eachother do but now that I think about it, he never did it for me. So maybe I was just played.

I also feel like he was never attracted to me, whilst he was the one who perused me for over 8 months in the beginning. But he had zero interest in kissing or just regular relationship physical things. When we were intimate, it was very distant like he’d turn his head away or close his eyes or avoid missionary (sorry if it’s TMI) I’m not sure.

I’m not sure, I think the episode was also significant and could most definitely have had and impact but i’m curious to know whether a relationship with a narcissist could have this effect?

It’s been almost 2 years since we broke up but we’ve recently reconnect (I know I shouldn’t because it destroyed me) and he can sense I’m in a diff mind space and doing better. But somehow these last few weeks that we have connected I just feel lifeless and drained again when nothing is necessary so bad.

I’m not sure but any perspective or advice would be appreciated. There’s a whole saga to this so apologies if this summary doesn’t make much sense 😭