Breakup with DA
My ex of 2.5 years completely switched up on me after our breakup and I genuinely feel like I can’t process it correctly.
We were each other’s longest relationship. I was extremely close with his family, spent holidays with them, slept at his house constantly, and our lives were very intertwined. After our first breakup last year, he literally called me the next day saying he couldn’t sleep, wanted to work things out, and we even went to therapy together after.
The relationship eventually became unhealthy because he would constantly lie or omit little things that honestly wouldn’t have even made me mad about if he had just been honest. A lot of it involved his friends, girls being around, weird omissions, etc. One example was him telling me only one girlfriend randomly showed up to a hot tub night, then later I found out all the girlfriends had been invited from the beginning. Stuff like that slowly destroyed my trust because it made me feel like I was constantly finding things out later instead of just getting honesty upfront.
One of the biggest issues was one of his friends making jokes that he was cheating on me with a female coworker. Instead of shutting it down strongly, it was treated like some funny ongoing joke and it made me feel incredibly disrespected and insecure. He also started hiding me from his newer friend group and barely brought me around them, which hurt because I had been with him for years at that point. The dinner where everything exploded was literally one of the only times he had taken me around them.
At the dinner, one of the girlfriends asked me why I didn’t like one of his friends. She asked me a couple times after that again and I eventually answered honestly about some of the issues and why I had been uncomfortable. I honestly should have just kept my mouth shut but I was a couple martinis in.. Then apparently they called him afterward and twisted the story into me “talking badly about the friend at dinner,” even though they were the ones repeatedly asking me questions and reopening the topic. Later that night I found more deleted texts and completely lost it emotionally and yelled at him.
The craziest part is right before all this he was STILL acting attached. Making future plans, being affectionate, literally made dinner reservations for us for the next week even though he hadn’t done something thoughtful like that in a long time. Then suddenly after that night he emotionally shut down and started saying things like “I never felt anything click between us,” which completely destroyed me because it contradicted years of actions.
After the breakup he became incredibly cold. Followed a bunch of girls immediately, followed girls I know, liked disrespectful memes about relationships/lying, reposting about God and going to church, and acted like I never existed. I tried one last time to call him for closure and he ignored me, so I blocked him everywhere and disappeared completely. It’s been almost 2 months now.
The hardest part is I genuinely don’t even want him back anymore because the relationship became too unhealthy, but I cannot understand how someone can act SO attached and invested one minute and then seem completely detached and disrespectful the next. It makes me question if any of it was even real even though logically I know 2.5 years had to mean something.
Has anyone dealt with someone like this before? Did they ever reflect later or do people like this genuinely just detach and move on instantly?