u/Formidable_Baboy

I used to say I would give my sister support when she goes to college but some things fell through.

First, I struggled to find a job and whatever money I had, my mom took it from my bank account. I thought she was paying bills but she was sending the money back to the Philippines, to help our deadbeat relatives. I'm 90% certain my mom just likes the image of being a wealthy philanthropist when she isn't, not just having deadbeat relatives.

I had to work various odd jobs to pay my student loans back then, the credit card debt I incurred, and even my first career-related job paid very little.

Meanwhile, my sister struggled in school because she couldn't afford text books and didn't want to take out too many loans, and dropped out after her first semester.

Not to mention she didn't have a good car to reliably take her to school nor did she want to start at a community college like I suggested, to save money like I did.

I really tried my best in giving her something i.e. $4k for a down payment on a newer car, but that was after she dropped out.

She never forgave me for going back on my promise.

The way I see it, I was 20 years old and had an unrealistic expectation of post-college life. I really did think I could find something because many people I knew did so as well. I even had good grades, an internship, and networked, further feeding my expectations at the time.

But in the end, as a big brother, my job is to look out for her I felt, a young girl four years younger, and I failed.

I was meeting with two of my friends for dinner at my house, so I cooked some stew, big loaf of bread, and a lot of rice which is our favorite. I was hoping to spend time with them because it's been a while.

I don't get why their jokes that night seemed to be directed towards me that night. Sure, I've been known to let a few slide but it depends on the line they cross.

I brought up tattoos and how I wanted to get more. Specifically, I wanted more Sak Yant tattoos especially covering my back, chest, more of my arms, and neck.

I lived in Thailand for a time and it was like a second home for me. Though I'm Filipino-American, I felt I fit right in. The Sak Yant meant so much to me.

One of my friends ("Amy") laughed and said, "you're going blind and maybe that's a good thing because you won't see how badly that would fit you."

My response was, "it would fit me better than you and your clothes from two years ago."

The table went quiet and I told them it's time to leave.

I thought it was fair to poke fun at someone's insecurity when they think it's okay to do that to someone else, to see how they like it.

For perspective, a year and a half ago, I attempted suic\*de by hanging because I couldn't accept due to different disorders, I was going nearly dead and blind. I just couldn't accept this as my life. So I tried to end it, but the hook broke and I felt instant regret.

I was committed to an inpatient facility for a few weeks and "Amy" and "Reggie" knew about it.

I know none of this was their fault and I honestly felt that was just far too low of a blow to be called a joke. They knew what I tried to do, and I had always treated them with the same respect I would want.

Not to mention these are the same people who give me this HR-style talk of, "do you have the mental bandwidth to listen to what I'm about to say in a space like this."

That's not a bad thing, but in my experience it's very much performative, rehearsed, and just disingenuous.

Part of why I ask is maybe I'm projecting my rage at the wrong people? I have lost a previous friend, because I realized they usually only called on me when they needed something.

Part of me says I know my worth now, another part says I'm projecting.

I was meeting with two of my friends for dinner at my house, so I cooked some stew, big loaf of bread, and a lot of rice which is our favorite. I was hoping to spend time with them because it's been a while.

I don't get why their jokes that night seemed to be directed towards me that night. Sure, I've been known to let a few slide but it depends on the line they cross.

I brought up tattoos and how I wanted to get more. Specifically, I wanted more Sak Yant tattoos especially covering my back, chest, more of my arms, and neck.

I lived in Thailand for a time and it was like a second home for me. Though I'm Filipino-American, I felt I fit right in. The Sak Yant meant so much to me.

One of my friends (Amy) laughed and said, "you're going blind and maybe that's a good thing because you won't see how badly that would fit you."

My response was, "it would fit me better than you and your clothes from two years ago."

The table went quiet and I told them it's time to leave.

I thought it was fair to poke fun at someone's insecurity when they think it's okay to do that to someone else, to see how they like it.

for perspective, a year and a half ago, I attempted suic*de by hanging because I couldn't accept due to different disorders, I was going nearly dead and blind. I just couldn't accept this as my life. So I tried to end it, but the hook broke and I felt instant regret.

I know none of this was their fault and I honestly felt that was just far too low of a blow to be called a joke. They knew what I tried to do, and I had always treated them with the same respect I would want.

Not to mention these are the same people who give me this HR-style talk of, "do you have the mental bandwidth to listen to what I'm about to say in a space like this."

That's not a bad thing, but in my experience it's very much performative, rehearsed, and just disingenuous.

Part of why I ask is maybe I'm projecting my rage at the wrong people? I have lost a previous friend, because I realized they usually only called on me when they needed something.

Part of me says I know my worth now, another part says I'm projecting.

As the title says.

Basically, think Rocky Marciano in boxing. People can say whatever they want about him always being the younger fighter, but he was always the smaller, less experienced fighter in that ring.

He got the ever-loving fuck beaten out of him in those fights; had those fights happened in today's era, the doctor or ref would have stopped the fight if the corner didn't.

and in the end, Rocky made adjustments and pulled off an unquestionable win via knockout. And he even did it twice in a rematch, so nobody could call the first fight, "luck".

That 49-0 record came by sheer courage, tenacity, and adaptation.

What about in Muay Thai?

I went to a friend's party for her birthday and I brought my girlfriend along since my friend likes my girlfriend, too.

At this party there was another person (they/them) and they see me all the time with my friend. We are mostly amicable but aren't friends like that. I only really respect them because they're friends with my friend.

I recently started letting my mustache and beard grow. I'm 30 now but my friends have known me since I was 20; I shaved so often and so well nobody knew I was capable of growing facial hair.

anyway, my friend's friend in question was getting annoying to me, knowing I didn't like the conversation topic - graphic sexual content, drug use, or just overall being drunk.

I genuinely do not care what you talk about or do as long as you stay out of my space.

later in the the party, they said, "wait, when did you get a beard and mustache?" I smiled saying, "A few months ago I decided to just let it grow."

they reached out to try and touch my lip and I backed up with a flat look saying, "don't touch me, please. thanks."

They left me alone for a while while my girlfriend and I mingled, then that same person touched my mustache and so I grabbed their wrist, moved it down to the table despite them pulling away, and told this drunk individual, "I said don't touch me. keep your hands to yourself, you are disgusting. you touch your ears your nose, your mouth, and and everything."

At the table, people were shocked because normally I am docile and smile a lot.

...well yeah, unless I've ran out of patience telling someone to leave me alone.

My girlfriend rigged me home and my friend tried to explain her friend is on the spectrum. well the way I see it, I don't care. if this person can work a successful career as a patient advocate, drive a car, make friends, get dressed in the morning, run a podcast - there is zero reason they don't have the capacity to keep hands to themselves.

I have met many people in my life who are on the spectrum, I just think that one person is entitled.

Anyway, people are mad at me saying I didn't have to pin their wrist to talk to them. The way I see it, I didn't squeeze the life out of their hand and they clearly saw me backing up yet still kept moving in.

Do they do this to patients with mustaches? No? that's because they know they'd lose their job doing something inappropriate.

I will admit they tried to pull their hand back but, I felt I needed to make a statement.

Last but not least, I don't appreciate being touched on the face. I pay close attention to people and their unsanitary behaviors because I do in fact have a slight fear of getting sick.