So long ish story - some relevancy, my mom lives with us, we have a good relationship, but she doesn’t take criticism well. Never has. She still works full time mostly from home. We grew up with 2 dogs, a Jack and a Pit mix. I’m very direct, and I don’t say things I don’t mean.
We have an 8mo St Bernard puppy. We asked my mom before getting him if she was okay with it as we’d need her to watch him if we went away. She said it was fine. Later said “like you’d listen if I had said no”..I mean, I would have been bummed but felt it was a household decision.
Now, he’s a puppy. He bites and jumps, as puppy’s do, but he’s also 110 lbs so it comes with a bit more umph. But overall, he’s a good dog, very sweet, good temperament, well trained for 8mo. The nipping has been getting better and better every month.
She does really like him, she thinks he’s cute and tells all her friends about him but almost doesn’t seem to trust him. He’s nipped us all as he’s a puppy but it’s getting better and better. And he also does well when given proper rewards and follows our trainers suggestions, like ignoring unwanted behavior, leaving the room when he is biting. She often doesn’t do these suggestions. She’ll push him away when biting, she’ll hold his head so he can’t bite her, etc. I’ve made all the suggestions but at some point it comes off critical and she gets annoyed. I know it’s just reactionary to push him away, but it also makes it worse.
My reason for the post is I feel like I can’t leave or go anywhere for long bc she doesn’t seem to know how to handle him. She seems fearful of him, which is unwarranted, she often tells him to do something, sit or whatever, but has no reward or reward he values and then says he doesn’t listen to her. She speaks about him as if he’s horribly wild, but he’s a great dog and sleeps a ton during the day and I’m home with him like 85% of the week. I don’t ask her to do anything for him unless I’m not home at time when he’s hungry and the occasional “can you let him out?” If I’m like not closest to the door. I feed him, clean, brush, take him out, train him, walk him, etc etc.
I’ve asked like “does he make you nervous”? She said no. I’ve had her work with our trainer, etc. but like she just seems to be avoidant with him. Which I don’t think is helping. I always step in if he’s getting annoying with her, but also I have 3 kids too. Admittedly he listens best to me but also I give him high reward treats the most. I used to carry them 24/7, I reward when I see the behavior I want.
Anyways, we have things we’d like to do this summer, overnights, and I’m like.. how the heck will I be able to go anywhere when she can’t handle the dog? I haven’t left him with her since he was 6 months ish and she told me he was an absolute terror when I came back and cried about his biting. So now I’m like afraid to go anywhere bc I don’t want her upset and I don’t want my dog, who I’ve worked so hard to train, to be ignored or not mistreated but like.. improperly handled? I dk the word for it. I don’t want him to feel like a bad dog or for her to hate him.
My husband is super frustrated by it all so that’s a fun addition to deal with. At some point I’m like, do I just let them figure it out, have their own relationship, and take this issue off my plate? Do I keep trying to get them to work better together? I assume as he gets older, it’ll get better on its own. She’s also just bothered by things I don’t care about. Like he gooses people, I don’t care or notice but she gets annoyed by it 🤷🏻♀️
I dk if this is just a vent session, but happy to take suggestions if anyone has been through something similar.