u/Former_Incident_4676

Anyone else here have this situation? My husband is a kind, smart, retired professional who has always been good to me, our family. He is supportive and a good partner in life. He stays fit and is attractive. He is not perfect (he isn't very sexual, doesn't tend to notice and compliment, can be argumentative over silly things, very picky and has stress issues). But he isn't falling behind on expenses, or blowing our money, or cheating, or day drinking or getting violent or any of that.

But I hate his nightly drinking. Hate it. He does it every night and has for most of our marriage (25 years). Usually 6-10+ glasses of red wine plus an occasional cocktail. I've set some boundaries around things like snoring at night (disruptive to my sleep is not okay), getting argumentative (I won't talk too him then), but otherwise, it's hard to tell him that I just hate that he does this. Plus I enjoy an occasional glass of wine or two myself - it's the consistent overindulgence I dislike. It scares me - my prior husband, also an alcoholic, literally died from this (after our divorce, but I loved him and it hurt to see him do this, even from afar, through our son, who it really hurt).

Anyway, what are thoughts on this - I feel like I can't complain but I also can't keep it inside that I hate that he does this, and thinks it's okay.

Was married 28 years ago for 10+ years to an alcoholic who died from issues caused by the illness several years after our divorce. He was my son’s father and I did love him but couldn’t stand the drinking. Remarried now for about 25 years and my current spouse has been a heavy drinker for about 20 of the years. It initially broke my heart that I’d stepped right back into it. I also love this man but this has really hurt our marriage - trust, intimacy, and frankly I find a lot of alcoholic behaviors gross. Hard to be attracted considering that. Anyway, we’ve weaved our lives together, kids and grandkids and homes so very well and I just can’t leave. It I also hate his. I don’t care if he stops, whatever it takes, I just don’t want him to drink to excess. (Now, he drinks nightly and anywhere from 1 cocktail and 6-8 glasses of wine to who knows. He’s healthy now, a good husband overall - I just hate what this does to him - stupid behavior, passing out, lying about it, snoring, irritable when he isn’t drinking). Any thoughts? I did alanon years ago and may return but what else could help me?