I need people to be brutally honest because this is messy and I fully know that I helped create this situation.
I \\\\\\\[29F\\\\\\\]have a close friend \\\\\\\[25F\\\\\\\], and from DAY ONE our entire dynamic was just… flirting. Like constant banter, teasing, slightly suggestive jokes the whole thing. That was just our normal. People around us kept saying “there’s something going on” and we were both like lol no.
Then about a month ago, we went out drinking and ended up making out in a club bathroom. Yes. I know. Incredible decision-making.
The thing is it wasn’t even shocking. Part of me was like “yeah this was probably going to happen at some point.” We were awkward for a few days after, but then went right back to normal… which included continuing to flirt like nothing happened.
I even checked in with her and was like “are you okay with this?” and she literally said that flirting is how our friendship has always been and stopping it would feel weird. So I thought we were on the same page.
We’ve also had multiple conversations where I made it VERY clear:
I do NOT want a relationship with her
I would never make a move on her
but if she made a move on me, I wouldn’t stop it
So yeah, boundaries were basically nonexistent and vibes-based.
Now here’s where it gets more complicated.
She has told me before that she struggles with her sexuality and that it’s something she will never accept. But at the same time, when we’re alone, I’ve called her out on not being straight and she’ll first joke and deny it… and then eventually admit that she isn’t straight.
So there’s clearly some internal conflict there, which I’m now realising might be a huge part of why all of this is messy.
Fast forward to recently, I ask her again if she’s comfortable with the flirting, and suddenly she’s like “no, I think we should stop.”
Which… okay, fair. Boundaries are good. But I’m also like ??? where was this energy before??
Then she goes one step further and is like we could:
stop talking
stop meeting (we used to meet almost everyday)
take a break
or even never talk again
and she’d be fine???
I’m sorry WHAT 😭
So now I’m annoyed because it feels like she changed the rules AND handed me the responsibility of deciding what happens next.
Anyway, we agree to stay friends and stop flirting. Sounds simple, right?
Wrong.
Immediately after that conversation:
our texting becomes weird
she goes from sending full paragraphs to one-word replies
in person we literally can’t act normal and just avoid each other
It was so awkward that I eventually pulled her aside and was like “what is going on?? we can’t even TEXT properly.”
We talked again, and to her credit, she admitted she was wrong to put everything on me. She also said that some of our conversations (including me talking about my mental health) triggered her, and that she’s overwhelmed.
Then she says she wants space and is going to stop texting for a bit.
I said okay, I’ll respect that.
So now I’m here:
annoyed
confused
and also very aware that I don’t even want to date her??
Like I do NOT want a relationship with her, but I did like our dynamic and now it’s just… gone.
To make it worse, we have the same friend group. We were playing Werewolf and I accused someone (correctly, I was sheriff), and someone immediately went “you’re only saying that because of whatever is going on between you two.”
We BOTH jumped to deny it so fast it was almost embarrassing.
Which made me realise how this looks to everyone else, especially given the whole sexuality confusion situation, even though in my head I’m like “there is nothing here and there never will be.”
Now she’s taking space, and I’m trying not to text her even though I really want to.
So yeah.
TL;DR:
Close friend and I built our friendship around flirting and ended up drunkenly making out. We continued flirting afterward because she said she was okay with it, but recently she suddenly said she was uncomfortable and wanted it to stop. She also struggles with accepting her sexuality, which I think is a big factor here.
Now things are extremely awkward, she’s asked for space, and our friendship dynamic feels completely broken. I don’t want a relationship with her, but I do miss the friendship we had and don’t know how to navigate this without making it worse.