u/Formal-Audience3066

I'm 22 (f) and a few months ago I remembered that when I was around 9 I saw my father masturbating in front of his laptop in the kitchen. The thing is I'm sure it happened because it's really clear in my head but I still struggle to remember the whole memory. I've always had a strange relationship with my father (like we are not in contact anymore and when we do talk it feels like there's something that makes both of us uncomfortable but I can't put it into words) and some struggles with sex in general. from that day I don't remember what happened after i walk into the room but I do remember the way he was moving and the brutality of it, I don't know if something more happened after but sometimes I feel like he indeed make me participate in a way. I'm kind of lost right now because I don't know if it's really something bad or if im just over reacting and I haven't talk about it to anyone because it feels like I did something wrong.