Boyfriend (M24) wants to move closer to work, but I (F23) don’t want to leave my current area.
My boyfriend (M24) and I (F23) have been together for 6 years. We started dating in high school and went to college about 25 minutes from our hometown.
In college, he moved into an apartment, but I wasn’t allowed to officially live with him at first because his parents didn’t want him living with someone before marriage. Later, they also said they didn’t trust that I would pay rent. Because of that, I spent most of my time there but didn’t really have much say in where we lived, even though I would have preferred a different area.
Last year after he graduated, he struggled to find a job in the field he originally wanted. His parents pushed him to take a different job, which is now about an hour and a half away with traffic from where we live. Around that time, I also started paying rent, which I was completely fine with because I had wanted to contribute from the beginning.
Now I’m about to graduate, and he wants to move closer to his job since I won’t need to stay near school anymore. I understand why he wants a shorter commute, but I honestly really don’t want to move. My family is nearby, I feel safe in our current area, and I like the life we’ve built here.
Part of why I’m struggling is that since taking this job, he hasn’t really applied to other jobs closer to where we already live. So sometimes it feels like moving away from my family and support system is being treated as the only option.
I also have anxiety and OCD, and I’m working for my family’s business while taking a gap year to study for the LSAT, so being close to home is important to me.
I know his commute is hard, and I don’t want to dismiss that. But I also feel like a lot of our living situation so far has been shaped by what his parents or he wanted, and I’m struggling with whether it’s fair for me to give up the area where I feel comfortable and supported.
How would you handle this situation or find a fair compromise?