I don't know what to do
To start out, I want to point out I have thoughts, but I'm still able to tell myself don't do it.
The person in question will be addressed without identifiers.
I'm dealing with a situation where if I decide to stand up for myself and others who are also dealing with beratement, I get a very defensive and aggressive response.
I only state how some actions are causing emotional stress on others, including myself. Trying to be gentle about it, explaining that getting mad at simple mistakes, isn't a reason to be passive aggressive or worse. Also tried to explain that it's okay to ask for help, instead of causing pain on themself.
I'm already in emotional distress trying to get work, and I really don't appreciate someone making it harder.
Negative thoughts come out constantly, I find myself whispering or thinking "maybe I should die today." I never action on them, and I sometimes feel better when I tell myself I should just die. I really don't know why that makes me feel that way.
I've even verbally said I want to die in front of some of the people involved in this issue. I even said I've used the helpline. No one blinks, no one says anything, so it makes me wonder if I should just do it? I don't want to do it, but sometimes it just feels easier.