My partner (m45) is letting his daughter (16) borrow his car for prom, getting it detailed, and asked me to drive separately so I can take him home after he drops the car off at his ex’s house, where his daughter lives.
His mother is also gifting his daughter a nice 5-year-old Subaru, and she is in town so the title is being transferred today. When we discussed the plan for me to pick him up, he told me his daughter is “an empath” and would be very upset if her mom were uncomfortable knowing I was there. Because of that, he said I should wait until they leave and then pick him up after instead of being present.
We’ve been dating for a year and a half, so that made me uncomfortable. I would have had no issue simply waiting in the car, but being told I can’t even be present until after they leave feels extreme and honestly makes me feel insignificant.
What bothers me most is how much he tiptoes around his ex and their dynamic. He has complained many times that he still pays for the house while his ex-wife’s boyfriend lives there, yet he continues bending over backward for them. I suggested they just gift the new car before prom instead, but apparently that was considered overstepping.
For context, my boyfriend cheated on his ex during the end of their marriage, and hasn't told even his mom, so I sometimes wonder if guilt is why he still allows himself to be used for constant financial and practical support - while not even getting meaningful time with his kids outside of appointment driving and financial obligations.
I am feeling uncomfortable and suggested he invites his mom (grandmom/prom! Makes sense) to drive him instead, and suggested he tell his mom about the previous infidelity to clear the air and just move on and be normal… was this an overstep? .