I am 24F and have known Sarah 27F since we were little kids. Our families are extremely close. Our moms and dads are best friends. We grew up going to church together, going on trips together, and doing sports and clubs together. She has always felt like an older sister to me. I have helped her move, find jobs, and supported her through breakups. I am also best friends with her younger brother Jack 24M.
A few years ago Sarah started dating one of our coworkers at a company my mom helped her get a job at. It is a very small office with about 15 people. Their relationship broke company policy and everyone knew about it. It created a really uncomfortable environment. My mom was in a tough position because she helped hire Sarah and was responsible for the workplace. There were issues with how things were handled, including Sarah being involved in a situation where a patient was treated poorly and it upset the office manager to the point of crying. My mom was trying to manage everything and was considering firing one of them because of the tension and the policy violations. Before that happened one of them quit, and then the other left later. They acted like they were doing my mom a favor by leaving, even though the whole situation put her in a bad spot.
Sarah’s parents have a lot of money and support her heavily. They paid for her house, her car, and her degree, and still support her financially. She and her partner do not really work much.
I moved back home recently and Sarah and I still talk. I was not invited to her wedding. It hurt but I let it go. My brother was not invited either, but my parents and even my grandmother were, which felt strange and put my mom in an awkward position about whether to go.
Then today I got an email about her wedding shower asking for videos, heartfelt messages, family recipes, and gifts. I was not invited to the wedding but was being asked to contribute and send a gift. It felt uncomfortable and honestly kind of greedy, especially since I am a recent college graduate and not in a great financial position.
I did not respond and just left it alone. Jack called me and we talked about it and he was confused too. He thought it might have been a mistake or that his mom did not know the full situation. While we were talking he was texting his mom asking why I was not invited but was being asked to send gifts.
Right after that I got a message from Sarah’s mom saying I am now invited because family canceled. That made it feel worse, like I was a backup or on a waitlist. I would have rather just not been invited at all than be told that directly.
For context, I was a pallbearer for her grandmother last year. Our families have been close my whole life, we grew up in a tiny school of less than 60 together, traveled together, and even worked together as adults. We were in a sport with 10 people, worked in an office of 15, in a troop of less than 10 and I just really never even assumed I wouldn’t be invited.
I am not someone who cares that much about weddings in fact I rarely go, but the way this was handled feels disrespectful and self centered.