POCD help, spiraling possibly
I might have a pornography addiction. I’m 17F, and about to turn 18. I was on x scrolling through those kinds of videos, which were specifically animated. The algorithm based on what i was watching was just showing me more, and then after it went to this other video after i scrolled. It glitched and it looked like an adult woman standing next to a younger boy (clearly a child) and it was pokemon (idk if anyone knows the default boy and girl character) animated nsfw content. (Just from the series.) i got suspicious so i stopped masturbating because i wanted to make sure it wasn’t any weird underage content. From the pov it was animated in, it looked like an adult man in the video since it was only his hands + body (abdomen was muscular) so i passed it off as a glitch and started masturbating again thinking it was safe until i saw the ending scene and it was indeed an adult woman doing those acts with the underage character. I shouldve been extra careful and scrolled past but as soon as i saw that, i felt guilty like i shoudve known better. This happened with something worse last month i saw on the app and the caption specifically disturbed me so bad because it included fantasies of kindergarteners(??) It was disgusting and i reported the account twice and blocked it. But i think i still had a groinal response even after id stopped my actions because i didn’t understand what it was i was looking at at first, then went back to the video and saw the caption (which at first i ignored/didn’t look at) which imprinted the memory on my mind that i “knew what i was doing” and I keep going back and forth in my mind. I keep rethinking my course of action and i’m so worried that I don’t deserve anything good in life anymore because i feel like i’m becoming a pedo. Please help :(