I (21M) lost it at my (20NB) Friend/Ex due to how strange and bad they've treated me. Now I question my friends too. Do you guys have any thoughts and advice?
Long story short, me (M21) & my ex (NB20) and I had broken up late last year mutually to our benefits over not being compatible and my family's racism towards black people. (Which I told them about for their safety and respect before we dated) Since then I've tried to let go but it's been difficult since we share the same college class, friend group and retained some general contact yet it's been frustrating due to their treatment of me, and the friend group.
Since then, my ex has been Bi-phobic and gone after people's queer identity before. (Im Bi)
Invaded my personal space and grabbed up against well they were drunk and kept telling me to come to a friend's house when I wanted to go home. Made weird jokes at my expense about me struggling to get dates, our relationship, nearly having my stuff stolen. Blanked me and left me out of the loop and situations. Despite that, though, they try to be there me for when I'm upset?? Then as well my friends added that my ex never liked me except for my appearance, and they just wanted it over with. Told me my ex were mad for how I dealt with break up by isolating myself. Belived and supported me when I believed my ex to have cheated but lied and reversed on me since I've tried to let it go and stuck to minimal contact, I told my friends that's my strategy and id ask through others how they've been as decency but I still wanted to confront them for months because of these events but I didn't want to stir drama, throw people under the bus and my ex can be generally be very snappy and aggressive person (They've literally hit someone in front of me before)
Then, a couple of days, I blew up at my EX in front of everyone recently after comment about wanting to cut me off from the group chats and just being frustrated and confused for so long. I yelled what is with their attitude and the that they cheated in front our friends and teacherm When it calmed down I found out I was wrong about my accusation because I misremembered a comment they made about opening dating profiles before we broke up. I apologise for yelling, and I have taken back my statement. Now they've cut me off and it feels this friend group can't even stand to look at me, there was so much more I wanted to say to my ex about their treatment towards me but my friend said to throw them under the bus.
Idk where to go or say, I know I messed up in some ways, yeah, I need advice now.