u/FlyInMyEyeTypeOfGuy

Feel the urge to write something pitiful. I dont know. In some ways i can do things that others cant. To me the choice would be better if I could've gotten better school grades. No doubt, my life has been twisted by having an attention deficit disorder. I've been told i have a unique comedian vibe. Great, tell that to my 8th grade math teacher. Tell that to my parents who actually succeeded with school. Anyways, I'm stuck being a dummy. 36 now wont be much longer... Sigh.

Like, its over... its done.

Its gone for another half year.

The feeling of the night getting cold. The feeling of not being able in inhale air properly. Its a good feeling to be free of that. I feel like my body can finally heal itself back up. My back isnt as tense. My body can stretch and breathe better. No more painful chilly winter. Next year I look foreward to saying the same exact thing." I survived another one." As I always say.

I was in the first week at my new middleschool in Massachusetts. 6th grade age 11 years old. They first announced something had happened on intercom. Later in the day I remember in art class a picture of the burning towers displayed on a computer screen. Some one at recess claimed we were going to war.

I got home afterschool and went around on my daily paper route, the front page paper already had a display of the expoding towers. After throwing 27 copies at peoples doors. Watching the news down the street at a friends house. We watched a senior cop neighbor who was patrolling the street for any aggressive drivers.

Later on back at my house for dinner I remember watcing people commit suicide by jumping out of the towers on the News. My mom said they probably died of heart attacks before they hit the ground. I couldnt make up my mind which was worse.

That was a horrible day. That and all the following terrorist attacks throughout my lifetime made me sympathize with attacking Iran. I support Trump.

Last August I decided to plant a tree in my front yard. My 89 year old neighbor came out to plant it. He was saying how nice it looked and helped me hold the tree by its base while I sliced off the bottom packaging.

He was asking me about my artwork. He was complementing the tree. Told me he'd keep his eye on it (as he was sitting outside in his front yard all summer).

The next day, I saw him sitting there watching guard as I pulled out of the driveway to pick up a dinner. Later that night he had fallen in his home. The entire police department filled the steet. He had passed away at 89.

I think about our last conversation as he was just talking to me the day before. I think about what i couldve said differently, y'know? Like maybe changed a few things i said if only id known it would be our last conversation.

Anyways. Like a 50 year age gap between us but thank you Frank for being a good long term next door neighbor. Thanks for complimenting my art. Miss you. RIP

Like living on another planet. The feeling of wanting to get it all out but you are stuck. You are stuck in a void. The void of hating life.. But thats not even the truth. You want to love your life as hard as you can but the shell of inner hate is keeping you quiet and controlled. You write about this issue with yourself and it feels like, so what if not a single person reads or gets it. In the end you just needed to write your shit out for a few minutes. I did it for me, I was good at it too. Peace and thanks for straining your eyes this far. heh.