Hi everyone, I find this sub very helpful and usually comment from my main account on here, but it's a throwaway one so as not to get doxxed.
Let me preface by saying that my fiancé and I are the polar opposites when it comes to cleanliness.
He doesn't like washing his hands even after using a public restroom, and I wash mine after touching virtually anything that can transfer bacteria. We also disagree on the fact that all produce needs to be washed prior to cooking, and his hands need to be thoroughly washed before processing food in any shape or form.
We have had multiple arguments on this topic and it drives him crazy that I ask for (in my opinion) basic respect of wanting my food clean or his hands clean if we were to get affectionate, but he refuses nearly every time.
I've tried to explain to him my way of thinking about it, but he argues that by washing hands too often you don't only dry out your skin, but also open a gateway for more harmful bacteria to populate your skin and destroy your immunity. He reads all sorts of science articles that somehow confirm his theory, and considers soap to be his enemy.
It makes my skin crawl when he tries to touch me after being out grocery shopping, pumping gas, and running similar errands that everyone knows are full of nasty bacteria.
He knows it's important to me, and it's my boundary to keep things clean, but he doesn't respect it. Sometimes I wonder if we can make it at all due to how bad our arguments get surrounding this topic.
The only time that he agreed to wash his hands is before intimacy. I told him I don't need no e.coli in my private areas, so if he wants affection, he has to wash his hands with soap in front of me. And even that he does reluctantly, while complaining how chapped his hands are already because it's his second time washing them today (God forbid!).
Well, last night we were going to bed and I asked him to do the usual ritual. He again complained about the fact that he just took a shower, so they are clean, but he touched all sorts of items that weren't clean in the meantime, so I insisted. He washes his hands and - drum roll - proceeds to run his fingers over the surface of the sink to clean it. I nearly lost it. I said I'm not doing this, and I'm going to sleep upstairs.
He proceeds to tell me that his sink is the cleanest surface in the entire house because while he brushes his teeth the water cleanses it, so the fact that he washed the soap off the sink with his fingers would only make them cleaner and not the other way around.
I just asked why didn't he dunk his hands in the toilet and then expect me to have sex with him after. He starts telling me that I'm a delusional psychopath and schizophrenic who has bacteria related hallucinations.
I told him to F off. Which was the first time we ever said such words to each other in 4 years of being together.
I do have a slight OCD, but it's not at all pathological. And to call me a psycho every time I freak out about him touching dirty stuff before touching me in an intimate way seems like the utter disrespect.
We are a good fit in many ways, and we do love each other very much, but this issue is ruining our relationship.
He chose not to apologize and he rarely does.
I would like to hear from people on the topic of this part of personal hygiene, because he is trying to gaslight me saying I'm the only person he knows that takes hand washing to such a crazy level.
Do you think I'm the crazy one from what I shared?