i feel like it’s inevitable
i can’t shake the feeling that one day i’m going to go through with it. it feels like a fact of the universe. I’ve haven’t ever attempted nor have plans to in the near future but i just feel like one day i will.
it’s not like i have any real reason to go through with it tho. it’s not like my life completely sucks or anything, i mean it’s got its rough moments but i know things will get better. but i don’t think it matters if things get better or not as this feeling has persisted for years through ups and downs. i feel like this trajectory is inescapable.
but i the same time i don’t mind it an awful lot. theres only really a couple people i feel actually somewhat care about me and even less that would actually miss me, and even then they’ll move on eventually. i also dont believe im a good person that benefits others. i’m rather selfish and narcissistic and do little good for others. i’ve tried to find a reason on why i shouldnt go through with it but i’ve kinda logiced myself out of the reasons i come up with.
i think i need help but i dont see how anyone could actually help. i’ve tried therapy but it didnt work. i dont know what to do.