u/Fluid-Quantity-5697

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So I wanna go to some class, even my mom has been pestering to do something but I am a little stuck. I have wanted to do bharatnatyam my whole life but people say its too late now (I am 16 just completed my 10th), I also love basketball but then I can play basketball in my school as well but I just won't be able to learn, I also went for guitar classes for an year but didn't like the classes like I didn't learn anything in the whole year so I could go for a guitar class but I was thinking since I know the basics I can learn guitar online or yousician or something, I low-key want something physical cause I also wanna get fit, I was also thinking about the gym but there is a lot of time for that so out of these many options I don't know what to choose but my heart leans towards bharatnatyam but I am scared cause ppl say it's too late.

I am pretty sure noones is gonna read this whole thing but yeah

Asal em jarguthundu nak eh ardhm aithale, asal at a point idk what is happening with me. I feel like I am doing everything wrong in life and the only thing I know I am doing right in life everyone else thinks it's wrong. From here onwards it's gonna be a rant, chadve vallu chadvandi, and idk tbh I don't even know what I am gonna get by posting this, just wanna get my feelings out ig.

Let me start with the only thing I feel I am doing right in life, my boyfriend, I am dating my bava, we fell in love around an year back, but I thought I wasn't ready to be committed yet so I didn't get into a relationship, we got into a relationship in January and let me tell you, I didn't know anything about incest or any shit abt it, I had some idea about the genetic risks but anyways I don't want kids that bad, I can adopt and later on I even realized genetic screening and pgt are some measures that eliminate genetic risks, anyways these are topics for the future. Now people love pouncing at this, they start calling it incest, they say it's not different from dating your brother, kdh asal nak ardhm ayyi sastale wtf is so wrong in it? Malla brother enduk oustunr in middle? Genetically there is so much difference between a brother and a cousin, and even in the environment we grew in, we didnt grow up that close, at a point we hated each other, we connected just last summer. Kadh he isn't like my brother, the kids shit is sorted now why tf is it immoral?? Em chymantr nan? He literally changed me in ways I can't express, I have never hated myself so less, I never felt as confident as I do now, I have never felt so pushed to be consistent towards my goals. Malla em anna ante what do you know at 16 antr, Kni isn't this the age support is the most needed?

If that's now enough, igoh nak chinnapud nunchi india, specifically blnr lo ne chadvali ani undhi, ikkadne na frnd circle, my home, ani ikkadne unnai, so when I got an opportunity to go to an another country I refused dhaniki kuda nan champuthunr ra babu, asal evr preferences vallaki untai, nak aithe ee environment kanna better ekkd nachd, ala ani eppudki ikkadne undhi potha ani kdh, just na studies ikkd ne chyli ani undhi, tarvata job ki, settling ki, if I get an opportunity I will explore everything.

Tarvata boards Lo only 85 percent ochey, thithale parents kni I can see how dissapointed they are and how they are getting humiliated by relatives all cause of me and I hate myself for this, during boards I was going through the biggest emotional spiral of my life and I hate myself for that and malla I chose not to write the second board and I am low-key regretting that as well.

And I have planned so much for this year during January, made a vision board, wanted to spend my vacation so productively, wanted to earn money and atleast start something but I wasted it all having anxiety attacks.

And I hate that because of me my dad and my mom can't live together cause I refused to go live in the country that my dad has been living since 7 years, I tried for an year, I just didn't enjoy the environment as much as here.

Ahhh I freaking don't know what's wrong with me, I just wanna disappear for a while and idk what's wrong.

I am pretty sure noones is gonna read this whole thing but yeah

Asal em jarguthundu nak eh ardhm aithale, asal at a point idk what is happening with me. I feel like I am doing everything wrong in life and the only thing I know I am doing right in life everyone else thinks it's wrong. From here onwards it's gonna be a rant, chadve vallu chadvandi, and idk tbh I don't even know what I am gonna get by posting this, just wanna get my feelings out ig.

Let me start with the only thing I feel I am doing right in life, my boyfriend, I am dating my bava, we fell in love around an year back, but I thought I wasn't ready to be committed yet so I didn't get into a relationship, we got into a relationship in January and let me tell you, I didn't know anything about incest or any shit abt it, I had some idea about the genetic risks but anyways I don't want kids that bad, I can adopt and later on I even realized genetic screening and pgt are some measures that eliminate genetic risks, anyways these are topics for the future. Now people love pouncing at this, they start calling it incest, they say it's not different from dating your brother, kdh asal nak ardhm ayyi sastale wtf is so wrong in it? Malla brother enduk oustunr in middle? Genetically there is so much difference between a brother and a cousin, and even in the environment we grew in, we didnt grow up that close, at a point we hated each other, we connected just last summer. Kadh he isn't like my brother, the kids shit is sorted now why tf is it immoral?? Em chymantr nan? He literally changed me in ways I can't express, I have never hated myself so less, I never felt as confident as I do now, I have never felt so pushed to be consistent towards my goals. Malla em anna ante what do you know at 16 antr, Kni isn't this the age support is the most needed?

If that's now enough, igoh nak chinnapud nunchi india, specifically blnr lo ne chadvali ani undhi, ikkadne na frnd circle, my home, ani ikkadne unnai, so when I got an opportunity to go to an another country I refused dhaniki kuda nan champuthunr ra babu, asal evr preferences vallaki untai, nak aithe ee environment kanna better ekkd nachd, ala ani eppudki ikkadne undhi potha ani kdh, just na studies ikkd ne chyli ani undhi, tarvata job ki, settling ki, if I get an opportunity I will explore everything.

Tarvata boards Lo only 85 percent ochey, thithale parents kni I can see how dissapointed they are and how they are getting humiliated by relatives all cause of me and I hate myself for this, during boards I was going through the biggest emotional spiral of my life and I hate myself for that and malla I chose not to write the second board and I am low-key regretting that as well.

And I have planned so much for this year during January, made a vision board, wanted to spend my vacation so productively, wanted to earn money and atleast start something but I wasted it all having anxiety attacks.

And I hate that because of me my dad and my mom can't live together cause I refused to go live in the country that my dad has been living since 7 years, I tried for an year, I just didn't enjoy the environment as much as here.

Ahhh I freaking don't know what's wrong with me, I just wanna disappear for a while and idk what's wrong.