u/Fluffy_Tap90

So I (22F) feel like I’m losing my mind over this and I don’t even know if I’m the problem or if something is actually off in my relationship.

When my boyfriend (26M) and I first started talking, he sent me an Apple Music playlist. I noticed another girl had it saved too, but I didn’t think much of it at the time since we were still early on.

As things got more serious, I asked him about his ex and he would always shut it down immediately. He’d say he doesn’t want to talk about her and avoid the topic completely. That made me curious, so I ended up finding her through that Apple Music account and (I know this is bad) I made a fake Instagram to look her up.

That’s when I realized she wasn’t just some random girl—she was his long-term ex. They were together for years (around 2019–2022), and I saw pictures of her with him and even his family.

Since then, I found out she lives extremely close to him (like 5 minutes away), while I live about 1.5–3 hours away.

The problem is, now I feel like she’s everywhere in my head. I know way too much about her. My boyfriend has even started randomly mentioning details about her lately—like her sisters’ names, where she lives, what she was like in high school, sports she played, and arguments they used to have. I didn’t ask for all of that, but now I feel like I can’t un-know it.

It’s gotten to the point where I get triggered seeing girls who even look like her. I hate that I feel this way, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I also don’t think he has her blocked anywhere, which makes it worse in my head.

At the same time, he tells me he loves me, wants me to meet his parents, and says she means absolutely nothing to him. This is literally the only issue we fight about, but it keeps coming up again and again.

Now I’m stuck in this loop of overthinking. Part of me feels insane for caring this much about someone from his past, and part of me keeps thinking: what if we end up married one day and she’s still right there nearby?

So… AITAH for being so obsessed with my boyfriend’s ex, or is this actually a red flag situation?

So I need an outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know if I’m overthinking this or not.

When my boyfriend and I first started talking, he sent me a playlist on Apple Music. I noticed that another girl had the same playlist saved, but since it was super early on, I didn’t think much of it. I figured we were both probably still talking to other people at that point, so I let it go.

As we got more serious, I tried asking him about his ex, and every time I brought her up, he would completely shut it down. He’d say things like, “I don’t want to talk about her,” and avoid the conversation entirely. That made me a little curious, so I went back to that Apple Music profile I saw before. I ended up finding the girl on Instagram (yes, I made a fake account, I know that’s not great), and that’s when I realized she wasn’t just some random girl — she was actually his long-term ex. There were pictures of him with her and his family, and it looked like they were together from around 2019 to 2022.

Ever since then, it’s kind of been in the back of my mind. To make things more complicated, she literally lives five minutes away from him, while I live about 1.5 to 3 hours away depending on traffic.

More recently, he’s actually started opening up about her — but in a way that almost makes it worse? He’ll randomly bring up details about her life, like her sisters’ names, where she lives, what she was like in high school, the sports she played, and even arguments they used to have. At this point, I feel like I know way too much about her, and it’s starting to feel weird.

Now I find myself getting triggered by the smallest things related to her. I also don’t think he has her blocked on anything, which doesn’t sit right with me. At the same time, he tells me he loves me and says she means nothing to him. He even wants to meet my parents, which should be a good sign.

But this is the one issue we keep arguing about, and I can’t shake the feeling that he still cares about her in some way — even though their relationship ended years ago.

Am I overthinking this, or does this situation actually seem off?