hi, I am really struggling with severe depression and not being able to function after a bad fight with my boyfriend. I split really badly on him (spam calls, crying, screaming) and now he’s been really distant and not wanting to really engage because he’s sick of these fights and doesn’t want to handle it anymore. He told me he doesn’t want to emotionally support me or be there for me because it’s too much for him and I understand. I split on him because I thought we were going to do long distance after we graduate college (in two weeks) but he told me he doesn’t want to so we r essentially breaking up. I thought we had been working towards building a future since we’d talked abt it so much and things had been so good. But then after that fight especially, he just can’t stand me anymore. I’m too much for him and he keeps emphasising that. He’s been going out to all these end of college parties and hanging out with his friends after this fight, but I haven’t been able to get out of bed. I can’t even pick up the phone when my mom calls because I’m so depressed I don’t have the energy to speak. This is another reason for him to dislike me: he hates that us being in a good place or not dictates my mood. I don’t really know what to do about that. I can’t handle such bad conflict with him because I know him and one fight like this and he’ll leave. I don’t have the reassurance and certainty that this space is temporary because he has left so many times and will likely leave again so I get extremely anxious hence the spam calling. I can’t function when we fight like this. My broken heart takes over my life and I can’t even think straight. I get so severely sad, and he hates it. I told him I don’t want to live anymore, and he said I’m being emotionally abusive by threatening suicide. I really didn’t do that. This fight was so bad it put me in crisis and I needed help. He made it clear he doesn’t want to help.
I don’t know what to do now. How do we move forward from this? When we fight I do everything in my power to help regulate him and make him feel okay and not suffocated, but he abandons me and i feel awful. I just want things to go back to how they were before that fight, but I don’t know if they will because I don’t think he will put in any effort to fix things. I really don’t know what to do. This was the boy I thought I was going to be with for at least the next two years. I am just so disappointed and so sad.