I (F28) am planning a wedding with my fiancé(M33), and there’s been ongoing tension around one specific person — the fiancée of one of his friends.
From the beginning, she has been cold and disrespectful towards me. She barely acknowledges me, has made some rude remarks, and generally treats me like I’m just “his +1” instead of his partner. I don’t feel comfortable around her at all. Also, when we announced our engagement, she reacted with “congratulation” with that sarcastic emoji. It just confirmed for me that there’s no real goodwill from her side. Honestly, she has been the main source of conflict between me and my fiancé since the beginning of our relationship. Every time she’s involved, it turns into an argument between us.
Now here’s the situation:
She is getting married to my fiancé’s friend in June, and our wedding is in August. Her fiancé wants me to attend their wedding, but I honestly don’t want to go because I feel uncomfortable around her. At the same time, we’re dealing with whether she should be invited to our wedding. My fiancé and I actually both agree that we don’t really want her there. However, we do want his friend (her fiancé) there, because he’s important for my fiance.
Part of why I don’t want her at our wedding is that I don’t want to spend my day feeling uncomfortable or watching her clearly annoyed or uninterested face (she even looked annoyed at her own birthday celebration).
There’s also additional pressure from his friend group. For example, another one of his female friends already caused issues by insisting we move our wedding date because of her birthday — she wanted my fiancé there and refused to celebrate on another day. We actually ended up changing the date and losing our original venue because of that, which also made things more expensive. Now that same friend is telling him things like “you don’t have that many friends, think about it,” basically pressuring him to prioritize them.
On top of all this, we didn’t even originally agree on the type of wedding. I wanted a small, intimate wedding with just family and witnesses, while he wanted a big one. So I already compromised on that as well.
Meanwhile, my own friends have been the complete opposite — respectful and understanding. Some of them even told me that if their partner was treated the way I’ve been treated, they would fully understand not attending the wedding, and it wouldn’t affect the friendship.
My issue is that I feel like I’m constantly expected to adjust, be polite, attend events, and include people who don’t treat me well — while their side feels no need to make any effort.
So I told my fiancé clearly: I don’t want her at our wedding. He agrees with me, but struggles to set boundaries with his friends, which makes the situation more complicated.
AITA for drawing this boundary and not wanting her there?
Edit: it’s not about “facial expressions”. It’s about that she doesn’t even wanted to met me the first time when he wanted to introduce us- she told my boyfriend that I work in the hospital and she doesn’t want to get sick (work in cardiology). She doesnt even respond to my greetings from the first time. My boyfriends other woman friends told me she’s mean girl and that she’s acting the same towards them.