u/FluffyMaintenance351

I already know June and July. So what about the other months? If anyone knows please do tell me.

I already skipped 1, now I’m down to 3 skips

I don’t really know what’s wrong with me or if anyone will even understand this, but I need advice because I feel like years of things are building up and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore.

I’m 22 and I feel so emotionally disconnected from my family, especially my parents.

One thing that really gets to me is how unseen I feel. If I want something for my birthday, Eid, or any special occasion, I basically have to keep reminding people over and over, almost begging for it. Then when I finally get it, I don’t even feel happy anymore because it feels forced. It doesn’t feel thoughtful. It feels like I had to manage the whole thing myself.

For years I’ve bought my own birthday cake. Meanwhile for my parents and siblings, I remember everything. Their birthdays, what they like, what they want. I’m always the first one to wish them happy birthday, I make cakes, I put effort in. But when it comes to me, it feels like no one cares enough to do the same.

Even when I accomplish something big, it gets brushed off.

I made the dean’s list at university (my major’s first batch to ever make it), and it meant so much to me because I worked really hard for it. My family just casually congratulated me like it was nothing. No celebration, no excitement, nothing.

And this isn’t new.

I still remember being younger and getting accepted into this advanced art competition thing at school. I was SO excited telling my mom, and she barely reacted. My sister had to point out what I was saying before my mom finally acted excited, but by then the moment was ruined. That memory is still stuck in my head.

My mom also compares everything.

If I say I’m stressed, she says her stress was worse.
If I open up, she somehow turns it into how she had it harder.
She acts like because she’s older (she’s 63, I’m 22), she automatically knows better about my feelings than I do.

She also uses religion against me sometimes. Like reminding me how high parents’ status is in Islam whenever I push back, as if that means parents can never be wrong or hurtful. I always tell her it goes both ways and parents are accountable too, but she shuts it down.

What hurts the most is that I’ve tried opening up to her about serious things, including trauma, and she either minimizes it, forgets it happened, or says things like “you weren’t there when your dad was worse, let it go.”

That’s part of why I barely talk to her now.

I mostly stay in my room, keep conversations surface-level, and just tell her what she wants to hear so I can leave.

My dad is another issue. I honestly feel more peaceful when he’s away. The whole house feels lighter.

A lot of my hobbies have also been ruined over time.

I used to love drawing. I was actually really good at it. I drew anime and people for years. Then I felt guilty about it because of religious comments from my mom, so I stopped.

I’ve gone through phases where I get deeply attached to things (drawing, books, interests) because they help me escape and cope with feeling lonely.

But when I get overwhelmed enough, I do extreme things.

I’ve ripped up years worth of drawings with no emotion while doing it, then completely broke down after.

I’ve ruined books I loved by soaking them in water and throwing them out.

It’s like when I get hurt enough, I snap and destroy the things that matter to me.

I’m in therapy, and I’m not suicidal, but I’m deeply depressed.

The best way I can explain it is: if there was an option to have never existed, I’d probably choose it. Not because I want to die, but because I’m exhausted.

I feel lonely all the time, even in a full house.

I talk to myself constantly because I feel like there’s no one emotionally there.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, if my family dynamic is actually unhealthy, or if something is genuinely wrong with me.

Has anyone dealt with this kind of emotional disconnect from family, where you feel invisible unless you beg to be noticed?

And has anyone else ever destroyed things they loved when they got overwhelmed?

I just need honest outside perspective because I feel stuck.