I'm 17 and female. I have never made a friend myself and as of now have no friends. I want to speak to people at my school, but I never know how it is meant to be done and if it's okay. I have a few peers I'm interested in.
Today I tried speaking to a boy who sat next to me during a break, but he had headphones on and didn't hear nor notice me, I don't know if I must've persisted or if headphones mean you mustn't speak. I know that boy somewhat, he is alone always but he was kind and fun every time we did speak in class.
But I don't know if people here just want to study and graduate and nothing else. I don't know what's correct to say and when. I don't know who can be spoken to and for which reasons. I do like people in a way I want to hear about them and listen and get to know them. But this is very difficult for me to act out.
I apologise for I am entirely clueless but I'm getting saddened at being all alone at school for a year and a half now while still having an interest in some people. Many people are so that they wouldn't want someone to go up to them and try to be friends. Especially me probably because I'm not one to make people feel overly special or excited. The only thing I understand is that some people get bothered and think you're pitying them and they'd rather get friends naturally, not like this.
Most people here in these schools get friends or even partners, I don't know how realistic this is for me. In 1st and 2nd grades I had «selective mutism» if it helps understand more why it's very hard. It has gotten better but not entirely.
If anyone here knows and can tell when precisely whichever things can be said or done, please tell me. Concrete examples help.
My culture is in general quite reserved, so it makes things more difficult. I want to make a friend at my school and the issue is not finding people I am interested in, it's everything else. I need to be «correct». I don't know what people care about, what most want to hear, what they want. I can't assume about everyone but I mean generally.
If someone wants me to go away, I couldn't tell and I've made myself into a fool before because of this. Even if I only wanted a companion or just an acquaintance. I don't know if it's wrong or weird to talk to a peer at school with whom I last interacted many months ago. I want to speak to said person and others too because I'm interested.
Sorry for the long text