I don’t wanna take everybody down with me
I genuinely just hate myself. Ik people care, I’ve been offered psychological help by my sister but I rejected cause I know she isn’t economically well. I’m now crying in the club cause I just can’t! I’m failing college and it’s all my fault, I know it is and I just don’t do anything about it, I can’t even find solace in being drunk anymore. Wtf do I do, I’m not even 20 yet and I feel like my life is over, I’m so fucking depressed and have absolutely no reason to be, I’ve got friends and family who’ve offered help but I feel at the point of no return, I just wanna perish. I want something horrible to happen to me so I get a reason to end my life, I’m done I can’t even think strait, I’ve starved and not even that gives me a kick anymore. Why is everyone much smarter? Why is it that my mom only loves me when I’m smart? Why can’t I beg for help!? I’m so tired and I feel stupid for it cause I’ve got every tool to succeed and I just don’t!?!? I want a passion, I want a reason, I want something meaningful enough to either get better or kms, why can’t u find it!?!?!?
I don’t want help, I don’t wanna bother anyone, I just wanna disappear like I was never here.