u/FlorenceNightinglei

Hello. I wanted to put this experience down to words so I can finally move on. It keeps replaying in my head even after 3 months and still brings tears to my eyes. I just can't move on from it. I need other moms to understand how terrifying this was and tell me I'm not exaggerating.

Just like every other morning I was sitting with my baby in the living room when his father was still asleep, because he goes to work at noon and comes home late so I handle the mornings with the baby by myself. I'm the primary caregiver. Baby exclusively breastfed.

The power was out so we were basically doing nothing until his fist nap, which happens in about 1.5h after he wakes up in the mornings.

My phone rang and it was the shipment guy, asking me to come down and open the door by hand since the doorbells were not working. I said okay, didnt think much of it. Laid my baby on the sofa as I was just about to nurse him and put him down to nap.

I grabbed my phone and left the apartment door creak open, ran downstairs and opened the first door (the building has 2 doors and a small hall in between. Both open with the password system but can be also opened with key) The first door closed behind me and I didn't think much of it. Opened the outer door and took my order from the guy. I said thanks. And I tried to go back in the hall.

I couldn't open the first building door because the power was out. I didn't have my keys with me as I only went down one floor and left my apartment door open.

I didnt panic initially and called my husband.

His phone was charging in the other room. He wasn't hearing it ring.

I wrote to the building WP group. Can anyone let me in? There are 5 apartments including us.

Everyone is either at work or on vacation. No one is in the building except us.

10 minutes in. I panic. The power is still out. I already called my husband 25 times. He still does not hear it.

My baby starts crying. He is alone. All by himself. Secure on the sofa as he wasnt rolling yet but still. I hear his cries. I hear him from all the way and my husband who sleeps across, in the bedroom, does not hear his own child!

I bang on the door. It was a glass door. I bang on it so much my hands hurt. My baby is alone and terrified and doesn't understand why im not comforting him. At this point I'm screaming, crying, banging on the door and seriously considering smashing the glass. HOW CAN YOU NOT HEAR YOUR BABY IN DISTRESS? HOW CAN YOU SLEEP THROUGH IT?

My baby eventually stopped crying. Its been 40 minutes. The power is still out. Fuck it, I'm calling a locksmith. And they don't answer the phone? I call a couple times and they don't? I consider calling the fire department, too.

Right then a guy from our building messages me saying his bestfriend on the other street has a spare key of the building, that he can lend me. Oh God. Thank God! Its been About an hour and its 5 degrees outside. I'm in my pink nightgown, pink robe and I kid you not pink slippers and a pink headband. I will walk in this clothes at 10am in the morning to the other street. I don't give a flying fuck. I NEED TO GET TO MY BABY.

I get the keys. I enter the building. I rush to my apartment and pray that door didn't close behind me as well. It didn't! I runnn and check my baby. He cried himself to sleep. He sleeps well. I can't wake him up.

I march to the bedroom. I am shaking with anger. It took everything in me to muffle my steps and close the door behind me so my baby doesn't hear me yelling.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT HEAR YOUR OWN CHILD! HOW CAN YOU NOT HEAR HIM CRYING HIS LUNGS OUT FOR 10 MINUTES! HOW CAN YOU NOT?!!!"

my poor husband jumped from the bed terrified and thought something happened to the baby, assumed the worst, I saw it in his eyes. I regret for the misunderstanding. I didn't want to terrify him.

"WHAT HAPPENED IS HE OKAY??" he tries to open the door and run to him, I grab his arms immediately realizing the misunderstanding and tell him he is okay. he is sleeping. He takes a breath of relief before I continue my yelling.

I GOT LOCKED OUT FOR AN HOUR! HE CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP! YOU DIDN'T HEAR YOUR OWN BABY'S CRIES! I HEARD IT FROM DOWNSTAIRS!!!

I banged on his chest sobbing. I sobbed for a good while. I couldn't collect myself. I told him how it all happened while he grabbed a cover so he can warm me up.

My baby woke up and i hugged him and nursed him, immediate relief.

A couple things to adress if you read so far:

1. I know this isnt the worst thing that can happen to a mom. If we go down that road and compare, there are tons of worse things that could happen and I'm grateful this isnt one of them. However its impact on me is still there and its affected my relationship with my baby and how I act as a mother.

2. After this unfortunate experience I turned into an even more sensitive mother full of anxiety. If my baby sleeps in another room and wakes up, my heart drops and I sprint to soothe him. My husband warns me to slow down every time. I check things 6-7 times. Keys? Stove? Locks on the door? Back door? I hear phantom cries more than ever. I get nightmares about my baby being taken away from me, I can't reach to my baby, my baby gets lost etc.

3. I booked therapy appt. while writing these all down.

4. If you're here to say I'm exaggerating I heard it from other people. I want to know if there are moms out there that can validate my feelings and maybe help me move on like that.

5. I'm still angry at my husband even though he didn't do anything wrong. I'm angry at him because the speed of his transformation to a father isn't matching the change of my personality skyrocketing postpartum. I don't act on these feelings, I only acknowledge they're there.

Thank you.

Hello. My husband (37M) has been diagnosed with UC when he was 20. Currently on corticosteroids (only been a week) because other treatments failed and biologics can't be prescribed yet. Anyway. He is on flare. I guess. He doesn't have fever but bloody stools and frequent bathroom trips, tummy aches, weight loss are there. He is 178cm and dropped to 60kg from 65-67 in 2 months. To be clear, he got bad after we got into a housing crisis. Our landlords demand 3x increase.

We have been married for 4 years and we have a baby now, he is 6 months old. Whent he baby was first born, he helped me by taking over the diaper duty between 22-03. (He works 13-22/6days) That changed when the baby started going down at 21 around 3 months old exclusively breastfed and his first diaper of the day didn't need to change until 5-6 in the morning. Plus my husband also has a back issue now, can't bend properly and has sciatica all the time.

So his support for the baby has been gone long ago. I've (27F) been dealing with 6am starts for the day, cows milk protein allergy, congestion, mastitis, baby's circumcision (I arranged all the process and he only came the day of the procedure because he is working), etc.

What I'm looking for right now i guess is someone who can offer me insight on his situation because I started to feel resentment. I know he has been dealing with a lot and he has a crazy schedule but it doesn't help. Maybe because he took this seriously at first and then let me handle it by myself once he made sure I could. I know I could. I can. I'm a nurse and I love my baby. But sometimes its too much. Since he comes home late and needs to eat to gain weight, I prepare him a meal at 22 most of the time if im not exhausted and asleep. I cook 3 different dishes bc I'm trying to lose weight, he tries to gain weight and the baby has started solids. I keep the house tidy enough to live in it. I still take the baby outside every day, do grocery shopping, function like I dont have a baby on top of it all except going to work.

I see other couples sharing the responsibility of the baby. Mom gets to sleep once in a while. Pumps and gives the dad a bottle to feed the baby once in a while. Leaves the baby to dad to go out one night. I only had 2 walks on sundays 3 months ago and only 2 times of half ass naps on sundays when the baby kept crying in his arms most of the time.

Is this all because of his condition or does he just not want to do it? Because whenever I open this discussion he gets defensive and talks about how he can't sleep, how he is in pain all the time, how works is crazy busy and eventually says something like "we asked for it" which sounds like "i told you so" in hindsight. (I wanted a baby more than him)

Whenever I try to talk about this with someone they take my side immediately because they don't understand how life is with UC. I want to both understand him and figure out a way to stop feeling so resentful because I'm so, so tired.

Sorry for long post, sorry that this turned into a vent, I'm very sleep deprived.

Edit: I understand this comes off as condescending. I am trying my best to understand him both as a nurse and a wife, while managing postpartum and a baby. I am looking for a solution for resentment thats building up that I can't control. I realized from your comments a part of it comes from being compared all the time. Whenever I open my mouth about how I'm struggling as a new mother, he tries to sympathize but it comes out as comparison because of poor choice of words. I'll say I couldn't sleep because baby woke up 5-6 times, he will say he couldn't sleep too because he went to bathroom that many times as well.

I dont want to compare struggles. I want my struggles acknowledged. That would help. Some of the comments did. And it felt good. Now I know what to talk about with him without burdening him with physical labour.

I feel like my motherhood and my struggles are being overlooked. I guess thats also normal because when you're in that much pain, your pain is the most worst thing to you and nothing seems to be even close to that.

And though I appreciate him still going to work while sick, I would be okay even if he didnt because I worked my ass off while pregnant to earn the right to be a SAHM for at least a year. Stop saying its a privilege thats been given to me. Thats not about my husband at all. Its about how hard I worked. Though he is amazing for letting me keep my savings and still providing for us. That 2 statements can be true at the same time.

Thank you eventually, for taking time to reply to me.