I married lesbian (f) work with a married heterosexual (f) for close to two years. When my coworker who is a supervisor (but largely not mine) started, we didn’t speak for many months maybe even close to a year. The first time I recall her really speaking to me was about an issue with my manager. I went on leave for most of the summer and when I returned there was a noticeable shift. I was suddenly greeted with “where have you been” and countless efforts on her part to make small talk about random things. I start to think ok she wants to be friends…Eventually she starts to talk to me about lesbian specific people, identifiers, a girl she’s liked before etc. It felt like what was a growing friendship suddenly dipped into me being reduced to my “gayness”. Shes adamant she’s happily married to her husband and makes small happy married comments off and on. Anyway, she then starts coming around a lot and is also now hitting me, kicking me, hanging around my work area. She later gets a bit sexual and at some point mentions she’s a pillow princess. I run into her outside of work briefly in passing and in the weeks to follow she starts calling me a loser, rolls her eyes at me and is now suddenly being playfully mean in passing and then cold and distant. The coldness goes on for a few months and suddenly out of nowhere the whole pattern starts again friendly, chatty, making small talk, making jokes, being touchy.
Some days she completely ignores me though. However, if she is in my direct environment and I don’t initiate contact she will sometimes loudly make some comment about “what’s wrong with (me)” in front of others. I’m always confused on what she actually wants from me, to engage with her, leave her be? At first I thought friendship, but it’s not progressing to that. This behavior is cyclical. It seems I often make the wrong choice, based on her hot and cold behavior. I’ve chalked it up to her behaviors will always be unpredictable and to expect the unexpected. But this back and forth is honestly exhausting and downright confusing. She’s both attention seeking and then appears to enjoy withholding as well.