I(M35) have a platonic female (F35) friend whose marriage is not going great. We have only communicated over phone for 3.5 years now and have never met. She belongs to a very humble family and married out of pressure of financial bankruptcy and after been listening to her family's problem for almost 1.5 years I kind of also encouraged her (after admitting defeat) that maybe she should get married to this arranged marriage person.
2 years later, her biggest trouble is absolute non existent emotional and physical intimacy. Her husband even shamed her for constantly asking for some form of physical intimacy and even on their honeymoon they just kept site seeing without consummating their marriage. She had lost her job before marriage and has not been able to find a stable job (only part time working gigs from home). And lately she even got accused of being "too close" to one of male in-laws relative, which just thinking about it made me sick (as well as her). She is frankly too open minded compared to her own family or the people she ended up marrying.
Now I am also going through definite worst slump of my life and overall very depressed and jobless. After her marriage we maybe talk twice an year because I know her husband won't like that. She called me today for some advice on whether to have kids with this person or not as her husband on the face of growing pressure from both the families is now thinking of trying. I said absolutely not (based on what I know about her and their marriage), gave her realistic advice, asked what she thinks would be the likely scenario (as she knows her husband best) and made her come to the conclusion on her own while I just stated her facts and likely scenarios that can occur in the future. She understands and agrees on getting financial dependency first, children second (in hopes that it might fix their marriage), and if things still doesn't work out with the husband an eventual divorce with enough money as a single mom.
My purpose of writing here is...I kinda bummed her out by giving her too real of an advice. Pretty sure she is more tensed now than before she called me. I am a very good listener but she actively asked for advice so I provided (my current depress mental state induced) solutions to her, covering from financial struggles to her both choices, emotional needs and her current acumen of facing orthodox family adversaries. This is a common theme I see when people try to ask my advice (and god knows why they do). Instead of giving them motivation, my computer analytical brain churns out outcomes they might have to face and I think in my current depressed state I am the wrong person they should be talking to.
Question - How do you guys deal with such scenarios when every time you open your mouth to discuss something difficult, the other person instead of getting motivated gets depressed. I hate this about me but I KNOW I am not wrong in whatever advice I gave. She also admits I am not wrong and thanks me each time, but I feel sick giving people advice that makes their life a little more gray instead of colorful. It was the harsh truth but maybe not something the world needs all the time.