I (23M) live with my parents along with my older brother (42M), “Ben.” We don’t share the same dad. He moved in with us in 2024 after a divorce and has been living here rent-free ever since.
When he moved in, I tried to help him out. I added him to my phone plan to lower his costs, with the agreement he’d pay his portion. In early 2025, my dad, (63M) co-signed on a vehicle for him because his old one was failing. The loan ended up being about $42,000 for a car worth significantly less, though he still went through with it. He could have gotten something significantly cheaper.
Later in 2025, Ben got two flat tires and couldn’t afford replacements, so I used my Affirm account to cover it. Again, he agreed to pay me back monthly.
In August 2025, things got serious. After I came back from a concert, our mom (64F) was rushed to the hospital with respiratory failure. She stayed about eight days, came home briefly, then was rushed back again. We learned she had end-stage heart failure, vascular disease, COPD, and more, and she was placed on hospice.
During both hospital stays, Ben never went to see her. Instead, he stayed at our house, and while having the house to himself, had different women over, went on a short trip with one, and even said they should get married. (it didn’t work out).
He also couldn’t hold a steady job-he was fired from two and didn’t work at all from November 2025 to March 2026. During that time, he saw another woman, claimed they knew each other from college, dated about a month, went on a week long vacation, and eloped. This is his third marriage. He didn’t tell any of us-we found out on Facebook. His daughter hadn’t even met his new wife.
Around that same time, he fell behind on his car payments and let it get repossessed. Because my dad cosigned, the bank took $1100 directly from his Social Security, which left us unable to make the mortgage.
I covered the mortgage with my tax return for that month.
I had also taken out a loan (using my truck as collateral) to help cover future funeral expenses for our mom after discussing it with my brothers. We agreed to split payments evenly, but Ben hasn’t kept up with his share.
After finding out he got married, our mom told him he should be living with his wife-but he’s still here while she lives with one of her parents.
After the money was taken from my dad, I had enough. I removed Ben from my phone plan and confronted him about everything he owes: missed phone payments, the Affirm balance, and his portion of the loan. He started paying my dad back for the $1100 as of April 2026, but I’ve been covering gaps for months, and it’s been putting a strain on me financially. I made him pay April’s portion, but he owes me an additional $504 for January-March.
I don’t mind helping someone who’s genuinely trying, but it’s hard not to feel taking advantage of when the effort isn’t there.
AITA for being angry and putting my foot down financially?