Hi everyone. Sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit for this, but I just needed to vent and looking for some advice. Also sorry in advance this is way longer than I intended.
My husband realized about 8 months ago that he was enmeshed with his mother. It has been a really difficult transition, but he has been going to a lot of therapy, and he has been doing an excellent job at unenmeshing. This (of course) has led to my in-laws totally not understanding, and essentially making me the scapegoat and blaming me for the change in their relationship with him. When this all started, my father-in-law had a conversation with my husband where he basically just blasted me and said a lot of nasty things about me and my relationship with my parents. Since then, my FIL did apologize, but only after I specifically asked him for an apology. And initially he denied he ever said anything, and then finally admitted it and apologized. We were low contact for a couple of months and have been more recently trying to figure out how to have a normal relationship with them again. It definitely has been difficult, I certainly have no interest in being best friends with them, but I have been willing to be nice and cordial, and chatty with them when we see them.
Anyways, today is my birthday. My MIL texted me happy birthday first thing in the morning, which I thought was very nice. I didn’t hear anything from my FIL all day. My MIL dropped off a birthday card at our house which she signed from both of them. I texted both of them in a group chat thanking them for the card and telling them it was very thoughtful and I appreciated it. MIL responded, but FIL said nothing.
Idk, I guess I am just feeling upset, because it feels very purposeful that he didn’t respond, especially when I texted in the group chat. I feel like if he didn’t say anything all day, but I didn’t text them about the card, it would be easy to make the argument of oh he forgot, which is fine. But I feel like the lack of response in the group chat just really shows that he was intentional about ignoring it and not wishing me a happy birthday.
I guess I am frustrated because I am trying to move forward in a positive direction, even if I am not trying to be best friends with them. And the fact that he is the one who made me the villain in the first place, and now won’t even try to make amends, feels shitty. My husband has had multiple solo conversations about the shift in relationship with his father over the past few months, and he says that his father has not said anything negative about me since that first convo. So my husband wants to give his father the benefit of the doubt, thinking he didn’t mean anything by not saying happy birthday. But I guess for me it just feels more purposeful.
I really want to just say fuck it, who cares if he hates me or not. But it’s just really hard for me to see them every couple of weeks and let them see my child (we have a 17 month old that they are obsessed with) and pretend like everything is fine, if I feel like he truly doesn’t give a shit about me.
Sorry this was such a novel. I intended to make this shorter, but I guess I just had a lot to say. Anyways, thank you for reading.