The fear of result
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I have been stressing out about my results since I gave my exams every day. People keep saying, “They will come, and what else?” But now that I think about it, yes, it does matter. Those who say that a single piece of paper cannot decide your future are wrong. It actually can. It has a lot of potential to change the course of your life because I can see that if I am not able to score good marks, I will have to take a tier-3 college, and it can take away all the potential you have. On the other hand, if it gives you a good college, it can change everything.
So next time, if you think your result doesn’t matter, think about it carefully. It does. If anyone is reading this and is in 11th or 12th, or if you are preparing for any competitive exam, please study seriously. It takes a lot, I understand. I have gone through it once, and it took a lot out of me. It took away all my hobbies, all my passions, and my physical activities. I cannot play my favorite sport. I cannot watch anything. I am no longer interested in many things, more than anything that has nothing to do with my personal life. It even affected my relationship. I had to break up with my girlfriend.
In the end, it all comes down to one day, when the results are declared, and that is when they will judge you for what you did during your whole life. You lose sleep, you stop smiling, and it becomes hard to express what you are feeling at that moment. I have a lot of things bottled up inside me. My world feels small, and there is nothing I can do right now. Still, they will say that I wasted my time, but that is not true. I tried to do everything I could. But what did I get? Nothing.
Yes, I feel like a failure right now.
There have been nights when I wasn’t able to sleep properly, even after my exams had ended, because I was afraid of the result. I know I will pass, but there are certain numbers, certain figures, that your parents want, and you know you are not able to achieve them. Maybe it is not your fault. Maybe it is not my fault. Maybe yes, I did something wrong. I should have been more careful and more serious during my studies.
So I hope you understand that you should not go through what I am going through right now. And now let me tell you something: there have been days and nights when I thought about killing myself, when I thought about giving up on my life. But the reason I stopped myself is because I understood that it won’t solve anything. It won’t solve the problems I am going to face, or the problems my parents had to go through. The only way to solve those problems is to live life. One day, I will be laughing about this day. I know even you will laugh about this day when you have gone through everything.
So I want to say that I am telling you this not just for myself, but for you too, so that you use this experience and this paragraph to be serious in your life, to be held accountable, and to focus. It is for my family, friends, and loved ones, and also for myself. That is the reason why you should study seriously. I don’t even know at this point what I am saying. It just makes me feel lighter.