She suddenly "slowdiscards" me after 2 years
I have been together with her for almost 2 years now. For most of it we have been living a long distance relationship over 500 km with a couple of days IRL meetups each month, but it worked fine since we are both perpetually online nerds and the time we had together was all the more intense. It also gave us space when we needed it. I knew she had bpd, I knew I couldn't fix her. I read half a dozen books on the topic, tried to take the highs in a measured way, tried to accept the lows and take the distance I need during them whilst still being available.
It worked. We genuinly loved each other, and whilst obviously after her initial hyperfocus things slowed down, and she clearly struggled with longer term love, we still managed to slowly grow, learn from each other. Helped her get into therapy, all the while knowing that its not about fixing or magically changing our relationship, but being happy with what is.
Then, instead of moving into my area as we had planned, she signed a 3 year contract for a new appartment in her new hometown. She hyperfixated on a workfriend that helped her move. He completly replaced me emotionally, she spends ALL her time with him. We went from talking almost every day to silence for weeks.
She asked to open up the relationship for sex, but when I asked her to please not she assured me that nothing sexual was going on, which I do believe her, she was never a liar. But I know her hyperfixated impulses want to fuck him.
Which I wouldn't even care about that much. But being replaced emotionally sucks. She told me that our relationship will now slowly die, come to an end. Because I can't move in with her, and she needs warmth and people closeby now. That she still loves me but loves everyone. That we were meant to slowly drift away from each other from the beginning, especially since I don't want kids (yet, it's just not feasible financially). But it all sounds like she is trying to justify this split to herself. I believe the traces of real, consistent love I built up to her slowly over the years are still there, but are completly overwhelmed.
I asked her, if our relationship would slowly die now, if it would maybe be best to "rip of the bandaid", to free her and me. She cried, and my heart never was so heavy in my entire life. It felt like a little cat that utterly trusts me looked up to me for help, only for me to kick it with an iron boot.
I was ready for anger, for hatred, I know how to distance myself. But this sudden apathy mixed with an atrtempt to keep me close whilst she spends 90% of her free time with her hyperfixation? I don't know how to handle it.