I met a guy online. We talked for about 2 months and had 3 dates. We are both conservative, so there was no physical escalation.
At first he seemed very invested. He initiated all 3 dates. On the first date, he baked for me, bought me a dessert I had mentioned only once, paid for dinner, and walked me home. On the second date, I was late, but he still chose to stay with me for about 4 hours and missed meeting his friends.
Over text, he was also the one initiating most of the time: daily messages, gifs, pictures, long conversations, flirting, “I only have eyes for you” type of banter, and he wanted goodnight voice-note energy even though he doesn’t usually use voice notes.
He told me early on that when he gets overwhelmed, he withdraws and can ignore even friends for weeks. After the 2nd date, he disappeared for 4 days. I told him I needed more consistency. He apologized, said he was overwhelmed, and said he’d try harder.
The 3rd date seemed good too. He was attentive and sweet, and afterward he was still flirty. A few days later, he was talking to me about his apartment/furniture and said he’d ask me for help choosing things.
Then I told him that after his move I wanted to see him more often. The next day, he sent a long message ending things. He said he had doubts from the beginning, thought they might change with time, but after 2 months he still wasn’t convinced. He said he liked me as a person but didn’t think it could become romantic, and didn’t want to continue while unsure because he didn’t want to manipulate me or waste my time.
Does this sound like avoidant/overwhelmed behavior, or simply a guy who liked the dynamic but didn’t like me enough romantically to choose me?