u/Flexperience21

I’m curious if other people experience this in dating/relationships.

I’ve been dating this girl for 3 months and we’ve already been on 21 dates, so we’re very close in real life. When we’re together, I feel deeply connected to her. I miss her when we’re apart and think about her a lot. We live 1 mile apart and we see each other 3 times a week, which are usually 8 - 15 hour dates

But I never feel the urge to text or call her.

It’s not because I don’t care. I just don’t really feel comfortable expressing myself digitally. I connect much more through presence, energy, touch, shared experiences, joking around, doing things together, etc.

Even in real life I’m a pretty quiet person. Not shy or introverted. I’m actually very curious and social. I just don’t naturally talk unless there’s something to say. I’m much more action/presence-oriented than verbal.

Over text or calls I just feel so disconnected, and often too much texting makes me feel less connected instead of more.

In my recent relationships / dating experiences the girl always texted and called me a lot because she wanted to, and then I would just tag along. But this girl is very adaptive. At first she wanted to text more, but now she adapted to my style and is fine with it. So part of me feels relieved, but another part also feels off.

Is this normal, or does this sound emotionally avoidant?

Been dating a girl for around 3 months now and I genuinely can’t tell if this is a compatibility issue or just a weird dynamic that slowly settles over time.

The pattern of our dates is always the same:

I pick her up at her place, we go somewhere (dinner, drinks, walk, lunch, whatever), and at first the sparks are there immediately. We’re excited to see each other, physical tension is strong, lots of eye contact, teasing, affection etc.

But as the date goes on, it often turns… awkward? Quiet? Not bad necessarily, just kind of flat. Like we suddenly become too aware of each other. Like we don’t even know each other. Sometimes conversation flows naturally, but honestly most of the time it becomes stop-and-go with a lot of silence.

Then we go back to hers, have sex, and afterwards everything suddenly feels easy again. We cuddle, talk for hours in bed, open up emotionally, talk about family, fears, relationships, life, random deep stuff. Those moments actually feel very intimate and real.

Sometimes I stay the night and the mornings are usually the best part. Very calm, connected, natural. We’ll run together, get coffee or lunch, and somehow things feel effortless again.

But then the cycle repeats the next date.

Another thing: we barely text or call. Usually just a quick check-in a few times a week. We never call. But we do see each other 3-4 times a week. So a lot of the emotional connection seems to happen almost entirely in person, and especially after intimacy.

What confuses me is: despite these awkward moments, we keep wanting to see each other. We always end up sleeping together. Neither of us is pulling away. There’s definitely attraction and emotional connection there.

So now I’m wondering:
- is this actually a compatibility issue?
- are we maybe relying too much on physical intimacy to feel connected?
- or could it genuinely just be language/culture barriers?

We both speak English together even though it’s not the native language for either of us, and sometimes I feel like both of us struggle expressing ourselves fully in English. There’s also a cultural difference involved.

Has anyone experienced something similar where the chemistry was very real, but the actual dates themselves were strangely inconsistent?

Is it normal that after 15 dates, two months of dating, lots of sex, the texting will flatten out? In the beginning, we used to text about some funny things, checking in, sharing about our day. Usually once a day or every other day contact. We saw each other once a week. I was a little cold over text and said I was pretty bad at texting, but this was mainly just because I wasn’t invested that much yet.

Now we see each other 2-3 a week, but our texting has changed to be really logistically and unemotional. Just: Hey. Come over. Or hey, let’s grab lunch. We never call.

I don’t really need more reassurance, and I’m fine with it being this way. But because this is our dynamic, she went on a 5 day trip last week and we basically had almost no contact. That felt a little off to me, we both miss each other at least someway obviously.

Is this normal. Do more people have experienced this? Or is this just a sign that we’re not very connected emotionally yet? It sometimes feels that because of this we’re getting a little more distant and that doesn’t sit right with me.

Maybe I should take the lead? Check in sometimes? Start to call her? But I don’t want to seem like I need reassurance, I’m perfectly fine. But at least a little bit more emotional contact between our dates seems appropriate to me in the stage that we’re in. And healthy to move things forward and stay connected.