It's only a few days before Mother's Day and every year since NC (two years ago), I dread Mother's Day. It's like something looming, prowling, or predatory in the back of my mind.
I feel like I can't concentrate on things, like something is in wait and I can't tell where they'll be. I live 2K miles away from them and they don't even know I moved, but I still feel like that helpless little girl, even though I've made a lot of progress on my independence with my husband and corgi out here.
It'll start with worry, then dizziness and sometimes not sleeping good. They are blocked on everything: phone, email, instagram, facebook, etc. I have EVERYTHING on lockdown and now they don't even know where I live.
I've never done a big move like that before and not told them - or ANY family.
I understand the dread logically. You are waiting for the shoe to drop and something to happen. I'm just trying to enjoy my days and enjoy Mother's Day.
Husband planned a sweet day and told me he understands. He's been around their past behavior, so I felt less crazy.
I just think the amount of dread is bizarre, almost laughable in a cartoonish way, but it's actually real and happening.
You shouldn't dread your own mother, but we do.