u/Flat_Stand9406

Problem/Goal: I need advice on whether I should take my father’s surname, considering our complicated relationship and the possible inheritance involved.

Context:

My mom and dad had me when they were both 17. When my dad found out my mom was pregnant, he left and moved to Manila. My mom raised me, but since she had to attend college, my grandmother and her siblings helped take care of me.

When I was 7, my mom introduced me to my dad because he wanted to step back into my life. I was curious, but I didn’t really look for him since my uncles had already stepped up as father figures.

My parents got back together briefly, and we even lived in his hometown for a year. But we eventually left because my mom was accused of being a gold digger by his family, even though she didn’t care about their land. After that, my parents separated for good, and I was deeply affected because I thought I would finally have a complete family.

As I got older, I became more emotionally distant, even though I stayed social on the surface. My mom moved to Thailand, while my dad stayed in his hometown.

My mom was open with me about her new relationship, and I appreciated that. My dad, however, kept his relationship hidden even though I already knew. It hurt me a lot.

Eventually, he introduced me to his partner—who was already pregnant at the time. I felt extremely disgusted, especially when he asked me to interact with the pregnancy. Over time, they had more children, and I continued visiting out of respect, even though I felt disconnected. His partner calling me “son” also made me disgusted I could feel that I despise it.

Later, my dad asked if I wanted to take his surname. I was shocked because he only brought it up when I was already older and had formed my own identity. I’ve lived my whole life using my grandparents’ surname, and it means a lot to me.

We discussed it logically. If I take his surname, I may have a stronger claim to family land in the future. I won’t lie—this is tempting because the land is valuable. But emotionally, I feel conflicted. I feel a mix of anger, obligation, and even guilt.

Recently, his wife brought it up again and kept pushing the idea, even though she said she wasn’t trying to convince me. It felt like pressure.

I suggested a compromise: adding my dad’s name to my birth certificate so there’s legal proof I’m his son, without changing my surname. But if we can’t agree, I’m prepared to refuse. I also considered hyphenating, but I understand that’s legally complicated in the Philippines.

Another difficult truth is that I don’t feel any emotional connection to my siblings on my dad’s side—I only act out of respect. Meanwhile, I genuinely care about my sibling on my mom’s side.

I forgot to mention they got married and I didn't know about it, they didn't bother to notify me. My grandma just saw it on Facebook and told me to congratulate them.

Question:

Should I take my father’s surname for practical reasons like inheritance, even if I don’t feel emotionally connected to that side of the family? Or should I keep my current surname and prioritize my identity and peace of mind?

--my feelings are bottling up. If you were in my situation what would you do?