About 3 months ago my (31F) boyfriend (33M) broke up with me to focus on getting sober. We left things significantly open - we agreed that we’d see each other on occasion and keep talking (I went into more detail in my previous post). He’d asked for a few weeks of space and then I didn’t hear back from him after that. It was brutal for me. I was basically left in limbo and was really struggling over it, feeling blindsided by the breakup, led on, crying everyday, absolutely abandoned and discarded. So I decided to reach out for some clarity/closure ~3 weeks ago and it took him about a week to reply. He told me he’s been sober but fragile and had been feeling guilty about the way he ended things so he was avoiding me and scared to hurt me again, but that his sponsor encouraged him to respond..
His messages didn’t express any interest in how I was doing and were honestly self-absorbed and weirdly self-righteous? The whole text exchange was rly anxiety inducing and stretched for days between responses, half of which was me following up after he kept saying we’d talk and then leaving me waiting.. Long story short, he didn’t respond to my last message trying to gauge where we stood. I still was trying to be encouraging and gentle w him as I didn’t want to be the reason he relapsed but I ended up getting frustrated and sending him a pretty emotionally charged message. So I have a sense that this time I won’t hear from him again.
A quick text letting me know he wasn’t ready to reconnect would have sufficed.. I’m so crushed, angry, and emotionally exhausted. I know he’s going through something big but idk this really highlighted how much I’ve repressed my needs and how much I’ve prioritized his peace over mine. I thought him getting sober and claiming to be a different person would mean he would be more considerate but he’s now just completely avoidant and more selfish than before. He had been a caring guy and good boyfriend and I never thought he’d ghost me so this has ended up hurting me more than anyone else I’ve ever had a meaningful relationship with and I’m genuinely questioning how I’ll be able to trust again. Idk how to process being so abandoned and disregarded by the person I shared so much love with and the person I thought was “the one”. Any advice or support would be very appreciated ❤️