Hey, I’ve been struggling with missing my ex-boyfriend of 14 months, he dumped me 3 months ago over text, to keep it simple he is bipolar, DID, autism, and my therapist said he has a borderline personality disorder. I feel really pathetic because I still miss him, I have really low self-worth and I see myself differently than the people around me, I go in between hating him and wishing he was still here even if I suffered every day, and it kept getting worse and worse. It’s hard to believe he manipulated and controlled me/the relationship, that he used me, betrayed me, lied to me about being okay. I was always trying to be there for him, at his parents' house every single weekend and at least 2 weeknights, driving an hour to his place after working, paying for everything in the relationship because he doesn’t really want a job, our whole relationship he didn’t work and wouldn’t even DoorDash. The whole relationship was always on my back and he kept getting worse and worse with his boundary setting, it’s okay to have boundaries but at a certain point it’s unrealistic, I’d be on eggshells and bend every direction for him and I literally couldn’t get more than 2 kisses a day when he was all over me when we first became together. He would threaten to break up with me or not talk to me multiple times over the smallest issues or different opinions, it was always me doing what he wanted, at least the majority of the time. I hate that he could be so loving and kind, make me feel special, and then dump me over text while I’m at work. I don’t want to feel sad and hurt anymore, I want to move on but I miss him for some reason. We promised to get married and look at me now, I’m alone and miserable, he played the victim and blames everything on me and it feels awful, just the smallest dumb things that in a normal relationship would be talked about once and let go, I couldn’t even fricking sleep in the same bed as him because I move around too much, I became his parent more than his partner after a while and yet I’m the reason he left, because in his words we’re not a perfect match. After all, I can’t talk for hours nonstop with him when I’m around him all the time, what is there to talk about all the time??. I wasted so much time and money, at least 8k, I have no friends and a mom who thinks I’m a disappointment, I don’t know how he can put me through this, the things he did to me are really messed up and yet I’m the reason he had to leave, because he can’t forgive me. I’m really feeling done with everything.
If anyone reads this thank you, it at least makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not all alone.