We met eachother in a random day and it was love at first sight.
We have been talking for a while and we know some of our shortcomings and also finding some things we don t like about each other.
One such example (which was fine for me temporarilly) was that she was talking all the time without even asking for an input or an opinion about anything.Maybe it sound selfish but in my opinion relationship dynamics shouldn't be an exchange of monologues 90% of the time.At first i was rather all right with the idea
"Hey if she s talking a lot then i guess i don t have to talk back".Back then i saw it as a good thing but now when i also want to say something she just keeps going,and unless i m rudely interrupting her (like raising my voice) she just won't stop forever.It has gone so bad that i ve started to space out when she is talking,not even her seems to realise that i am ignoring her.
The other things is that she has anxious attachment (all the while i have avoidant disorder) .I ve talked the need of having space to think over some things but she always misunderstands it as breaking up. And after a lot of arguing and i finally get my space,i feel very agitated because i am always thinking if she is okay or am i doing the right thing for her,therefore i actually don t feel getting any better from having space.
And she isn t respecting my space most of the time,when i tell her to please leave me alone,she spams me with phone calls,video requests,messages on all social media.
And these 2 things mesh up into a monster when we argue about the relationship.
Since she is talking all the time i have no real input or say onto the matter even when I HAVE THE PROBLEM.After her pointlessly talking for 1 hour straight and finally asking for my input she just leaves me on a 2 seconds window to say something,if i do not she just says on repeat "What is it?" without actually giving me the time and space to think.This became so frequent that i am starting to actually not give a damn about her or whatever she is saying and that hurts me the most because before i actually cared for her, i wantdd to be her rock but because of this i feel mentally drained,ill and i just want to run away from relationships for the rest of my life.
Tl;dr A boat load of emotional spaghetti that i thought i could eat it but in the end i got very sick and i am still stuck eating it.