How should I deal with my stepdad?
My mom re-married when I was very young . Since he was there for the majority of my life, I considered him my dad for a long time. He didn't raise me, but he supported my mom financially. My relationship with him was always rocky because he is an alcoholic (recovering) and gambling addict. Despite him earning a higher than average salary, we had to move several times throughout my life and were even forced to live in hostels and use food banks. In addition to this, my parents always argued so I never felt emotionally safe at home. Despite everything, my mother chose to stay with him. When I was 16, my stepdad forced me to get a job. He said it was to make me understand the value of money, which I was completely fine with at the time (I later realised it was for his own selfish reasons). I was really excited to earn my own money but unfortunately I couldn't find one for many years (not due to lack of trying). When I was 18 and moved out (I moved in to university halls), my relationship with my stepdad changed. I now had money (maintenance student loan) so he started asking me for loans every few days. This is because my mom kept his salary away from him and would instead send him small sums of money whenever he needed it. Of course, despite her sending him enough money for transport to/from work and food, she would question him any time he asked for more, which led to more arguments, so he felt it was easier to ask me for money instead. He would ask me not to tell my mother. Despite me knowing he was an alcoholic, he would tell me "it's for work" (he needs to buy tools for his job) or for food, and I always gave in. I was young and stupid. This kept going on for many years. Eventually, my mother confided in me that he was drinking daily and gambling the family's finances very regularly (plus, he wouldn't pay me back for months) so I started saying NO. The first time I said no, he lost his shit. He insulted me and called me selfish, etc. Around that same time I told him I was struggling with severe depression (medically diagnosed and medicated) and suicidal ideation. I thought he cared and I needed support. He is old fashioned and believes that depression is not real. During that argument, which started about money, he said I was lying about my mental illness for attention. For a long time, our relationship kept deteriorating but it hit the lowest point a few weeks ago when he demanded I treat him with respect (despite him disrespecting me and our family) "because I am older and I am your father". I was angry so I finally told him how I really feel: that I found it hilarious that he calls himself my father when he hasn't been acting like a dad to me for a really long time. That he hasn't cared about me or supported me. Since then, he has been ignoring my existence completely. It would be fine since I don't live with him but when I visit my mom (she misses me and asks me to visit her frequently), I struggle when I see him because despite me being civil and greeting him, he is being very hostile towards me. It's especially hard during celebrations when, for example, I wished him "Happy Easter" (we are Christians) and he didn't respond. I have already accepted that he is a selfish narcissist who doesn't care about anyone besides himself a long time ago, but I don't know why I struggle with being ignored when I visit my mom and the pets