u/FitrahTawheed

Forgiveness is a choice, but does that change when it comes to parents? Are we required to forgive them no matter the harm they cause, simply because they’re our parents?

If we were required to forgive everyone who hurt us, it could end up invalidating real suffering and pain and letting people escape accountability.

Allah does not dismiss pain or sweep it under the rug. You are not obligated to forgive someone who has harmed you. Forgiveness is praiseworthy, but choosing not to forgive is not blameworthy in itself.

Forgiveness remains a choice, even when it comes to a narcissistic parent. For many Muslims, the harm caused can be too deep to even consider forgiveness. You shouldn’t feel forced to forgive someone who hurt you, because you deserve justice and fairness.

Read more about this topic in our article on whether forgiveness is required in an Islamic context, especially when dealing with narcissistic parents: https://fitrahtawheed.com/forgiveness-narcissistic-parents

You share your pain with a sibling, aunt, uncle, or another close relative, and they give you a kind face—nodding along while hiding their true colors.

You tell them how unseen you feel because of your narcissistic parent, how their silent treatment has hurt you deeply, leaving you feeling abandoned and humiliated. And then it comes: “But they’re your parent. Just be patient with them—they don’t mean to be like that.”

You’re left in shock. How can someone say that when it’s so clearly untrue and unfair?

Your pain and suffering get dismissed by that one simple sentence the enabler throws out. And everything starts to fall apart, because they want to keep you close—even while knowing they didn’t stand by you when you needed them most. They smile, trying to make you believe they mean well and want the best for you, but it quickly becomes clear that the enabler isn’t there to support you—they’re there to maintain the status quo.

You feel deeply betrayed by this enabler, because family is supposed to be trustworthy, right?

And then your perspective suddenly shifts, revealing a hard truth: not every family member is trustworthy, even if they seem kind and sweet. It was never genuine—it was just a way they learned to keep people close.

We’ve written an article about the enablers of narcissistic parents from an Islamic perspective. Check it out here: https://fitrahtawheed.com/enablers-of-narcissistic-parents

There are countless of Muslims suffering under parents who are narcissists. Every time one of these victims cries out for help, they end up even more disappointed. Eventually, they stop asking for help altogether and, in many cases, become deeply suicidal.

Scholars have truly left victims of narcissistic parents hanging. They were supposed to protect these individuals and shield them from further harm, but instead, they stayed silent in the face of abuse—only to push victims further into despair by telling them: “Have sabr and remain dutiful to your parents.”

How shameful and disturbing it is to say this to someone who is suffering every day, feels suicidal, and has lost all hope. How unjust it is to tell a victim of narcissistic abuse to simply endure it. It’s as if these scholars are condemning people to a slow death of misery and suffering instead of standing up against injustice.

And yes, narcissistic parents are effectively being protected by such scholars. In reality, scholars become their greatest enablers—staying silent and even gaslighting victims into remaining in harmful situations.

Isn’t it obvious that this is a form of oppression? These scholars are only adding fuel to the fire.

The victim should not remain silent, nor should they be told to simply “have sabr,” because that can deepen their harm. They need to take action and protect themselves before it’s too late. Many have already lost significant parts of their iman due to ongoing abuse.

Victims of narcissistic parents are left feeling helpless, and they have lost trust in preachers and scholars—which is completely understandable. Once, they may have looked up to these figures, but over time, that trust collapsed because of silence and enabling behavior.

Once it comes to narcissistic parents, suddenly everyone forgets that the oppressed is supposed to be taken out of their misery:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Let a man support his brother, whether he is oppressing or oppressed. If he is oppressing, then stop him, for that is support. And if he is oppressed, then support him." [Sahih Muslim 2584a]

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), it is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "By preventing him from oppressing others." [Sahih Bukhari 2444]

Woe to those who have neglected this obligation, for they have failed the oppressed of narcissistic family systems!

You recognize this heavy feeling of loneliness and ask yourself, “Why does it feel so heavy?” And yes, it is heavy—it’s not easy at all.

Here’s the core of where this loneliness comes from:

• You no longer have parents to lean on, as they’ve shown that they no longer deserve access to you.
• You’ve had to let go of the dream you once held—that your parents might change someday. Now that you’re no contact, you’ve had to close that door. It’s deeply painful that it had to come to this, but you accept that there was no other choice and that going no contact was the right decision.
• You won’t be able to share great moments of joy or receive support from your parents—or from other family members who enable their behavior—ever.
• You feel misunderstood, and it seems like the Muslim community as a whole has turned its back on you, making it clear that, for the most part, you’re navigating this journey on your own.

Ultimately, it comes down to a profound lack of support from those closest to you. Every human being needs support from their loved ones, and even though your narcissistic parents were extremely toxic and undeserving of that closeness, their absence still leaves a void.

Want to learn more about this topic and how Islam views it? Check out our article here: https://fitrahtawheed.com/loneliness-after-no-contact-with-narcissistic-parents

Being raised by narcissistic parents can affect many areas of a person’s life, including:

1. Social relationships
2. Career development
3. Self-image
4. Trust Issues
5. Depression
6. Loss of Family Life
7. Isolation

And many more..

Learn more about the impacts of being raised by narcissistic parents in our freshly written article here: https://fitrahtawheed.com/impacts-of-being-raised-by-narcissistic-parents