My girlfriend (mtf) dont like penetrative sex and wants me to have bottom surgery, but i dont want to
We're both lesbians mtf, we have about a year of relationship, we love each other so much and had planned our future together.
She wants to have bottom surgery and im actively doing everything i can for her, but she wants me to have it too. I dont have bottom dysphoria, im a top who likes penetrative sex and she dislikes it very much.
I tried to behave myself from wanting to have penetrative sex with her, but i couldnt help and asked her some times. We did it three times. Everytime it seems fine during the intercourse, since she moans a lot and say that it got her really close to cumming. But some time after the intercourse, she gets in a really bad mood saying that we cant do it anymore, since she feels like we are having a cis heterossexual relationship. One time she said that me having bottom surgery would make her safe from having to deal with my desire to have penetrative sex.
I tried my best and everything i could to make things work without penetrative sex, but my body seems to yearn for it from time to time. I dont know what I can do anymore, got thinking to have more testosterone blockers or opening our relationship (with consensus and rules) only so we can have the sexual experience we desires (she said that her ideal intercourse would be with a woman who has a vagina, since its like the yuri relationship she aways dreamed about and i cant provide it to her), but she doenst like neither of the solutions because "its not fair for you to be castrated for me" and "I dont like non monogamous relationships".
Im lost and dont know what i can do anymore, every other aspect of our couple life is nearly perfect and i have so much attachment to her, but i dont want to hurt her anymore and i dont want to feel ashamed for fulfiling my body needs :(