Im starting to feel like my mom doesn’t love me anymore, aio??
I’m F(18) about to be 19 sunday, and for a couple months now i’ve felt like my mom (37) has lost her love for me.
My mom had me really young and for as long as i remember was an alcoholic, but the issues really started when we moved to US. She met a guy and ended up marrying him cause they were having a kid together and she fell into the worst alcoholism, they’d fight, hit each other, scream at each other, and way worse stuff i just can’t even believe was real. They’re still together and he’s my step dad, I’m the oldest out of 3. While my mom was drinking bad she’d hit me and treat me awful, i can’t help but Not blame her for it since she was seriously going through it really bad. We had a bad relationship for years but still stayed close, it’s just so toxic but it sounds crazy to say that my mom is toxic??
Time skip a lot of fights and scary times between Me, my mom, and step dad continued up until recently. This year my family has chilled out on crashing out, my mom drinks but only on her off days, my step dad hasn’t crashed out. It feels normal almost, except the fact that i’ve felt nothing but unloved by everyone, and it has felt this way every birthday of mine for the past couple years. It’s around this time i get isolated in my house and realize how awful she treats me still, and honestly it makes me feel awful. The most recent example if you care
—my mom expects me to clean up after everyone, even tho i work a full time job get home at 6, and have online college as well. About a week ago she stormed into my room, angry with me after not speaking to me for about a week and didn’t even ask me how i was but continued to ask me “why i haven’t cleaned the dishes, or put the food away”. i asked her “i didn’t even eat but ill put away the food im just confused why you expect me to do it”. she responds with saying “i still has to help around the house even if im living in the basement”. (i pay her $500 a month) after i put the food away the yells down the stairs “thank you for cleaning sloppy” because i didn’t while the table. she asked me step dad if she was wrong for expecting me to clean up after everyone and he said yes, and she still hasn’t apologized—
Little situations like this happen weekly , and my mom never apologizes. I haven’t heard my mom say sorry to me in years, probably when i told her i got S/A’d. the only word i can say to explain how i feel is disheartened . my hearts feels so heavy knowing i try so hard to make my mom love me and proud of me and no matter what she’s not. ive asked her if she loves me and if she’s proud, maybe once or twice and she replied with of course but it felt so bland. i just don’t know what to do as the oldest to make my mom proud. i’m falling in such a depression i feel like a total failure.
Please help , sorry for the rand. i hope this is the right sub.