u/Fit_Philosopher26

I miss the sex, but honestly I miss the intimacy more.

We’ve only been married 3 years (me M28, her F27), which honestly makes this feel even worse because I never imagined we’d end up here this early. During the dating phase and even the first few months of marriage, everything felt great. We were affectionate, connected, and it felt like we wanted the same things in life.

But over time, things slowly faded to the point where it feels more like I’m living with a roommate than a wife.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve even thought about cheating, not because I want to hurt her or throw away the marriage, but because I have a really high sex drive and feel completely starved for intimacy. At the same time, I don’t want to betray her or risk destroying what we built together. Lately, I’ve even started thinking about divorce, which is something I never imagined for myself.

What makes this harder is that it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough. We bought the house she wanted, and now all she does is complain about the house and the location. Anytime there’s an issue in the relationship, I take accountability and try to change or improve whatever she says is bothering her. But when I try to express my own needs, feelings, or concerns, I get responses like “that’s just how I am” or “that’s not the real problem.”

It feels one sided, and over time it’s pushed us further apart.

In the past year, we’ve had sex twice. And yes, I know people will judge me for admitting I’ve thought about cheating, but when your need for intimacy and connection goes unmet for so long, it really messes with your head.

The hard part is that I still love her, which is why walking away isn’t easy. Part of me still believes this marriage could work if we were both willing to fight for it. But I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m the only one trying.

Been a while since I last posted (here and other sub reddits), so I guess this is kind of an update.

A few months back I posted about issues in my relationship (me M28, her F27). We were struggling because every time we tried to have sex, it would hurt her and sometimes even cause tearing. That obviously started affecting our relationship pretty badly.

Last time I posted, I got a mix of responses. Some people gave genuinely helpful advice, others just came at me hard, especially when I admitted I was getting really frustrated and even had thoughts about cheating. I get why that rubbed people the wrong way, but I was being honest about where my head was at.

Since then, we’ve had multiple serious conversations. She agreed to see a doctor, and I’ve tried to be supportive and patient. I’ve also suggested other forms of intimacy (oral, using hands, toys), basically trying to find anything that works for both of us without causing her pain.

But fast forward to now… there’s still basically no intimacy at all. Not just sex. nothing. And it’s starting to really wear on me mentally and emotionally.

Before people jump on me again: no, this isn’t just about my needs. If it were, I wouldn’t have stuck around this long or tried different approaches. I’ve genuinely been trying to make this work and be understanding. But at the same time, I can’t ignore that this part of the relationship matters to me.

At this point I’m feeling stuck. I’m starting to question whether I should keep trying, end things, or figure out some other solution. I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to keep feeling this way.