u/Fit_Muffin_1805

the money that they gave for thanksgiving offering, lagak, whatever the fuck its called? all of that combined couldve allowed me and my brother go get into nice universities. now we cant afford one fucking semester for either of us without going broke. fafsa does help, but its not enough. im so donee.

*i am working to save up so i can pay for my own classes now. i dont want to have to rely on my parents anymore for school.

why is it that they prioritize donating money to ka eduardo over supporting their own children? its so fucking sad and i know for sure some members that are going into college might be going through the same thing.

im so sick bro

to make this make a little more sense, i moved out of my (asian) parents house and moved in with my (older)cousins.

last semester, i took three classes. i only passed english and failed math and bio. my parents knew about it. my cousins that i live with knew about it. they were not happy ofc but they said “do better your next semester.” i felt terrible because my mom tried to be calm about it, and shes the one who is paying for my tuition. i was planning on doing better and really wanted to avoid academic probation. so in the beginning of spring semester, i did pretty good, until i started slacking.

before anyone says anything, i understand and i am completely aware that this could’ve been 100% prevented if i had just locked tf in. i am not blaming anyone but myself. i have a terrible mindset where i feel schoolwork is a punishment and a chore. i also get extremely distracted and i could never stay on task. i dont wanna say i have ADHD because im not diagnosed but its something like that.

now, its the end of my spring semester (first year) and im not doing well at all. i enrolled in four classes. one of them i got withdrawn from (i failed so it counts in my gpa), one of them i did not get withdrawn from as it was a class for only half the semester and i got a 6% for my final grade, and the two other classes that are left are not looking so good. even if i pass these finals coming up, it is nowhere near a passing final grade.

sooo heres the thing. i didnt wanna stress my family out, and they’re constantly bugging me about my grades and i never wanna talk about school so anytime they ask me how im doing, i just say “good.” and they ask if im passing and i say “yea.” so these lies just kept going until the end of this semester and its almost time for me to show my grades to them.

my initial plan was to get on the canvas website (not the app) and change my grades into the “What-if” grades. but i thought about it some more and i feel like it would make it so much more complicated in the future. sooo i feel like that plan should not happen.

i actually plan to see my mom right after my exams, so im going to have to show her my grades soon. its gonna be so hard to tell her that i failed all of my classes AGAIN. especially after lying to her that im passing. and ofc, shes gonna tell my cousins so im going to get double lectured/scolded. but i dont know how to tell her. none of my friends know im failing because im so ashamed.

i dont know how to approach her. i know she will be extremely upset and tell me how much of a disappointment i am. especially for wasting her money for all of these classes. i think coming up with a solution and explaining it would be helpful, but i literally dont know what.

i would skip a semester to focus on working and not have to worry about spending my moms money on my tuition. but im already wasting so much time. these last two semesters basically dont count.

i need everyones advice. please dont be mean i already feel terrible

FOLLOW UP EDIT:
i just called my mom confessing that i lied to her. she no longer wants to see me. i understand why, it was her money and my family is not rich at all. we are financially struggling. she does not have a good job either. i told her my solution which is working to pay for my own tuition but i would have to save up. i also plan to pay her back in the future but that’s like way in the future when i am financially stable. so i need to take a break (skip a semester and focus on working) since my mindset at the moment is not right for college. maybe im wrong. she told me the solution would have to be taking every single class i failed next semester and she doesnt care if its overwhelming. she says, and i quote.. “I DONT CARE IF YOU FAIL.” um clearly u do. but anyways i literally told her that defeats the whole purpose of saving money and she disregarded what i said because apparently i was talking back. im planning on having two jobs this summer but she also wants me to take classes during the summer as well. like i said, still defeats the whole purpose of saving money. i dont know what to do. it almost came to the point where i couldnt think of any solutions and wanted to kill myself. i dont want it to be that way, but i have no future and i feel like i wasted all my time.

*IM IN THE US* Would printing out fake offering be illegal?

I am a college student and I live with my family members who are also very dedicated to the church, so skipping out on service is not an option.. for now (im figuring it out)

I’m not financially stable yet, and I do not want to continue giving my money, even just a dollar. Im also in the choir so it could be even more obvious if I have nothing in my hand and I fake putting something in the pouch.

Any suggestions?

WARNING this is my first ever reddit rant (YAY!) so it might be kind of unorganized, lengthy, n very GenZ core so im sorry. BUT i'd really appreciate it if you gave some feedback, advice, or even just read it through. OK LETS GO

I've been a member since I was born. This church has always felt like my home and my place of comfort, until I got older and started to be aware of all the control they had over us. I was very much aware that we were called a cult since I was like 12 but I never looked into it because I thought God would punish me if I did, until recently.

I would always scroll through my social media and I would see people my age spreading their love about going to church. I would think to myself, why dont I have that same pride and love when attending service? Why do I feel so fucking ashamed of talking to other people ab my church n the shit we practice? Like I wanna know WHAT IS SO ENJOYABLE ABOUT GOING TO CHURCH? Thats whats making me realize that SOMETHING is wrong here.

I have been in the choir since I was 7. I love singing, and I’ve always loved being a choir member. But now my heart is no longer in it. Some of these hymns are very beautiful and I will always love singing them, but cmon why r we singing praises to some guy frm the Philippines. Arent hymns supposed to be a form of prayer? We're praying to FYM ?? Cmon. And they wanna preach lessons that we're not allowed to make posts on social media about our own dead relatives captioning "I miss you" or "I love you" or shit like that. Come onnn. Picking n choosing.

Sometimes I would be thinking if my whole life has been a lie, but I would force myself to stop thinking that way or else i'd burn in the lake of fire.😭😭 I would have more thoughts like .. why do I feel so fucking unhappy when it’s time to go to church? Every time I am in the worship service I literally zone out during the lesson and cannot WAIT to go home. Shouldn't church feel like a place where I can connect with God and not focus on obeying the leadership?
WHY DO I HAVE MORE FEAR OF THE LEADERSHIP THAN GOD?

Now ima talk ab their lil "rules"😂
- First of all, why do they need to take our fingerprints, social media, home addresses, etc. BIG red flag . I dont know any real church that does this. N they be taking mugshots too (not actually, just a lil headshot of u for them to keep) idfk what thats for, but they do keep records of u and ur personal info. Maybe to stalk u? Idk.
- Wtf even is lagak n why do I have to give more of my money 😕 Is my 1 dollar bill not enough for u LOLLL. These mfs will go crazy if u dont bring offering no matter what ur financial status is.
- I cant list all the reasons for getting expelled from the top of my head. Some that I can list are drinking, dating a non member, attending a service that is NOT affiliated with INC, and speaking against the church. But anyways, why do they want us to cut ppl off if someone were to get expelled?

I got expelled as a teenager and some of my friends' parents would say to them that im a bad influence and told em not stay close to me. Some other ppl my age unadded me on social media platforms (idgaf ur a loser) bc they were scared to be associated w me. I eventually got let back in but that whole experience honestly traumatized me. And I’m not gonna lie, getting expelled is what opened my eyes even more and led me to start having more doubtful thoughts since I was able to view the church from an outside POV.

Im currently in college, not yet financially stable to live by myself, but I moved out of my parents house. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m in the choir and my entire family also has duties and are very involved in the church. I know my first step would have to be stepping down frm my office, but I dont even know how to do that. I currently live with some other family members so I cant even skip out on practices or services without them knowing. Also, my choir leader is always on my fkn ass and has been calling me out ever since I transferred here. Thats lowk another reason why I wanna leave the church bc the ppl in this locale suck, but thats kind of a diff story.

I guess my main issues are not wanting to be confronted and cut off by my family, especially by my parents. My mom is already going through enough shit in her life too, and I dont wanna ruin that by leaving the church and giving her a heart attack😭. Even leaving choir could make my mom go insane. Theres also no way to lie to her about anything. Family members will snitch, ESPECIALLY extended family. My mom is also lowkey a helicopter mom. Im in college and she still facetimes me and stalks my location. She knows when I go to school, when I go to church, asks how my choir practice was, etc. I have to update her about every single thing happening in my life. Sooo yea idk what to do.

If anyone left the church or even stepped down from ur duty at a young age, plz let me know what ur process was. Thank u for reading, I appreciate u🫶