hi i’m 17f and i’ve been questioning about my sexual orientation since like 2022. (English isn’t my first language)
The first time I started feeling confused was during a pajama night. When my close friend lay down next to me, I felt something strange. After that, it’s not like I liked her or anything, and honestly it was so long ago that I don’t even remember exactly what the feeling was.
Anyway, that’s when I started questioning my sexual orientation. For about three years, until around the middle of last year, I didn’t really feel any attraction toward the same sex. Sometimes I was drawn to wlw media, but I didn’t have any meaningful experiences, so I just thought I was probably straight.
But starting from the end of last year, I had about three dreams where I was flirting with girls, and then suddenly I started feeling strongly attracted to women. I don’t know why, but it felt very instinctive and automatic, like my brain just wanted women. I used to only like male celebrities, but suddenly I started looking up female celebrities a lot, and I even found myself signing up for a queer dating app because I wanted to meet women. That became the turning point where I seriously reconsidered whether I might be bisexual.
I talked on the phone with a girl I had just met, and at first she wasn’t even my type, but I felt really excited and happy. I even wanted to meet her in real life despite the long distance. Of course, maybe I liked her, but at the time I was also in a very emotionally heightened state because of the idea that “I might be bi,” so I’m not sure. It feels like my emotional reaction might have been amplified not just because of her, but because of the idea of “dating a girl.”
Anyway, my attraction to “women in general” and the desire to date them lasted for about three months. There was also a time when a female friend leaned very close over my shoulder and I felt tense—kind of like the same tension I feel around boys. About a year ago, I also wrote smut involving Kristen Stewart and Scarlett Johansson.
Sometimes the label “bi” feels comfortable, but other times I feel like I’m manipulating everything myself. Yesterday I thought I was bi, but today I feel like I might be straight.
For reference, I’ve never had a crush on a girl.
Do you think i’m bi?? I really appreciate you taking time to read this