I want a mum who’s there when times are bad,
a mum who protects me from storms
instead of creating them.
A mum who helps me when I cry
instead of locking me away.
A mum who doesn’t live
in a different reality inside her head,
who doesn’t abandon her children
just because she can’t control
the emotions inside her chest.
A mum who builds a home out of love,
instead of collecting broken pieces
and calling them lovers.
I’m stuck in a life
where I’ve had to survive on my own,
never really knowing
what a home is supposed to feel like.
I think my mum isn’t a mum
just a person
trying to love something unknown.
I watch other people
stand beside their mothers,
steady, protected…
while mine is fighting her own demons,
telling lies so she doesn’t feel alone.
But how am I meant to feel safe
in a home with no locks to protect us,
when you keep the door open
for the man who hurts us?
I’m stuck inside
when I should be growing,
and it hurts to realise
it wasn’t him who took you away
it was you.
Why would you leave me?
It doesn’t matter where we were
or what we had
your heart was the place
I wrapped my whole soul around.
Your love was the thing
that made this world
feel worth living.
Now I understand my place.
I don’t have parents to rely on
only myself to grow.
And even though you gave me life,
I have to learn
how to live it
on my own.